What are your thoughts on “relapse”? Do you think that the stigma of using again once or twice after a period of prolonged sobriety leads us to the same shame spirals that leads us to use in the first place? Could we bounce back easier if after a slip up if we were more understanding of ourselves and our imperfections so that we could give ourselves gentle permission to try again? What is it that you believe about yourself when you “slip up”?
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I haven't slipped up I'm not, not going say yet but I believe it might happen, but I think if it were to happen it wouldn't be as bad as it was because I wouldn't have my main factors that caused my addiction to get out of control
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I told myself early on that relapse was not in MY vocabulary. I KNEW if I drank again, I'd never stop. Never. It's different for everyone, but I knew me better than anyone else did. And focused instead on staying stopped (drinking)
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I like your pragmatic approach. You recognize that it’s a possibility, and if it does occur you have a new context and a new set of goals to motivate your return to sobriety.
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It sounds that, for you, one slip-up could be the lynch pin into a dark abysmal spiral, and that’s a very scary. Recovery in your eyes is to persist, indefinitely, or else.
Thanks for sharing!
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Relapse is nothing to be shame of were human but there is that possibility but nothing to be ashame of .We are here to Support one another that hopefully it doesn't happen.. and if that thought does come across we are here for Support..
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One another
I agree that I don't believe it is shameful but to me thinking of relapse makes me feel like having a get out of jail free card. I don't want to even think of it as a possibility because it is not an option for me.
What do you think Lauren?
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Noel, I like the point you make about being human. I think often in recovery, relapse is an aversive notion. People tend to consider it all good or all bad and dismiss the gray areas. And the fact is is that back slipping is not indicative of failure, but can be viewed as part of the bigger picture of making mistakes while we learn to adjust to a new way of being.
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True
I’m with Sara B. I know from previous attempts at quitting drinking that when I ultimately “rewarded” myself for doing such a good job not drinking for a day or a week or a month or 144 days (the longest I ever made it before AA), I was right back to where I left off within a couple of weeks. Maybe even less.
If I relapse I get it all back. Guilt. Shame. Loneliness. Remorse. And probably unemployment. DUI. Jail. Court. Custody loss. Child support. The bitter disappointment of my family yet again. Who knows, maybe I’ll be living in my truck by the end of the next bender. It’s the only substantial thing I own outright.
Lose my dogs. My kids. No thanks!! I’m not relapsing. If I drink I’m dead. But not before losing everything and hurting everyone I know and love on the way.
So I’m not going to preemptively make a plan for how to get sober again after I slip. I’m just going to stay sober.
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So True
Melissa, thank you for asking. I personally struggle with the idea that one slip-up = total failure. I know that rationally that idea is likely untrue. But I still struggle with black and white thinking. And to lend credit to your point, it does feel very risky to even consider the idea of relapse when history has shown us that bad things happen when we use.
Craig, I hear your conviction in your words. I like how you note all the important things in your life that are on the line. It sounds like there is a strong case for you to remain steadfast. I have similar reasons for staying sober—my kids, my finances, my health, and my dignity. I bring up my points about releasing shame around relapse because the idea of losing everything at the cost of back-slipping once or twice can be so immense that it diverts people from trying to return to sobriety again. And in that way, the common narratives around relapse are actually facilitators of addiction. Paradoxical and unfortunate. I also think it’s preventable by talking about relapse strategies.
For some people it helps to look at amount of time sober. How many days did you slip? If you are in the program for 5 years and slip for 5 days during those 5 years you have 5years minus 5 days. I cant do it that way but my friend does bc his perfectionism won't let him stay sober
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It takes most people some stops and starts before long term sobriety sets in. Good thing is that everyone's been there and are happy to see people come back, without judging. However, when we relapse we pick up exactly where we left off. It seems that the more sobriety a person has, the worse the relapse seems to affect them. A person who has 20 days might find it easier to come back. A person with 20 years may never come back. And don't confuse a relapse with an excuse. Drinking/using over stuff in life is an excuse. A relapse is when something in our mind gets triggered somehow and the obsession comes roaring back.
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You hit it right on the head Craig. I have done everything you mentioned numerous times. Since the age of 17. I would get sober build my life up and the go on some senseless spree and lose everything again. I did this over and over for years. Man the insanity if the first drink still boggles my mind. Today I just don't pick up that first drink and I know that there is a solution!! So thankful that I get to sleep in my bed tonight and NOT my truck 
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I'm sorry for your bad experience in AA. However, it is not accurate to say that AA in general will shame a person for going back out. Members actually welcome someone back with open arms and hugs. As far as the sobriety date resetting, that is part of accountability which is one of the principals. It goes along with another one, honesty. When it comes to ones individual recovery, SMART recovery is a “me” program. AA is a “we” program. That said, SMART is certainly an effective alternative for some people. I'll stick with AA.
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I relapsed in 1985 after my fiance died in a motorcycle accident. We hit a moose on our way to the wedding. I lived in a drug and alcohol induced fog for 4 years until I stumbled into an AA meeting on 26 Mar 1989. I was welcomed in with open arms. AA and I had a falling out after a couple years, but I have not relapsed since. My program is a personally thought out, crafted for me program. It wouldn't work for anyone else, but it works for me.
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Relapsed was 1985