In 25 years, I have never witnessed shaming a person for relapsing, or forcing that person to shame themselves. We always welcomed them back and often offered to speak with them after meetings. I say is it before: I removed relapse from my vocabulary. I know myself and for me, to drink is to die. I won't be able to stop. If Smart recovery works for you, great ! Keep coming back !
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Suzy, the temporal framework sounds interesting. I can see how comparing one to the other can offer some perspective. And I feel your friend’s struggle with perfectionism—high expectations can set us up for failure. Thanks for sharing!
Matthew, I really like the wording you use, “it takes some people stops and starts”. That feels like an honest account of progress—in any form, really. The point you make about picking up where we left off is really interesting and I’ve never thought of it that way before. I can see how that would make it far more stark a risk for someone with long term sobriety to feel threatened with the possibility of relapse. Also, your note of the difference between and excuse and a trigger is an astute observation. Again, not something I’ve really ever considered before. I wonder if it could be argued that an ‘excuse’ and a ‘trigger’ could be different catalysts but with the same outcome?
Rob, you have many reasons to stay cautious and convicted. I’m glad that today you get to enjoy the comfort of your own bed 
To me there is a difference between a slip and relapse. A slip is forgetting for a moment we can't and drinking. It could be 1 drink. A relapse is not stopping once we remember
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VP, I’m sorry you had such a negative experience with the AA community. I can see how your point about the “sober date” having (maybe unintended?) negative connotations in that it almost discredits all the rest of the time a person was sober. It does feel pretty rigid in that sense. I think that AA works well for people who do well with behavioral dogma. In that the narratives are something they find stability and comfort in. But, as you pointed out, that doesn’t work for everyone. You mentioned the SMART model, which I personally am not familiar with but sounds like it incorporates a relapse prevention type of model into its recovery approach.
Of course. I have been clean for 16 years. In February I walked over to the local drug dealers apartment. By the Grace of God his hookup never called back...
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I am grateful for you in that moment of divine intervention
Greg, that is a tragic and heartbreaking experience. I can see how that would have led you down a path of numbing. I’m so glad that you found help. And even more, that you have evolved your recovery in a way that is personally unique and is what works best for you. I am thankful to have heard your story.
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Steven, how does this change, in your view, how much grace you’re afforded insofar as if you ‘slip’ versus if you ‘relapse’? Do the two merit different levels of understanding?