Toxic relationships and Active users

Other
#1

This is a very long rant. I need to get this off my chest. I'm lost, stuck and afraid. My boyfriend is in active addiction. He tells me constantly he will quit things will get better. Lately it's gotten worse his use , behaviors and actions. I don't trust the drugs. I know he would never mean to hurt me in any way but he gets so high he has no idea the damages he's done. I am at a complete loss for words. I don't know what to do. I'm being pushed to the point of acting completely INSANE. Ive self harmed , I've asked him to leave ,I've fled my own home. At one point things have gotten so terrifying and physical I felt I had no choice but to call the cops. As someone with a criminal record I feel ashamed that I felt so helpless and afraid that I basically felt I had no other choice but to call for help. He's also threaten to have me arrested for marks he inflicted on himself. He lives here in with me and has for 8 months. When asking him to leave he refused and set terms for what he will accept as a correct invitations to leave. I can't been crying , yelling , swearing or giving off a angry or negative vibe. His reasoning for this is because he's “ afraid of my mental state and I can't be trusted alone I may relapse or hurt myself. Sometimes I feel like he pushes me to want to hurt myself or act out so he can be seen as the "stable considered boyfriend"…

Thanks for listening

4 Likes
#2

I have found so much support through Al-Anon. Loving an addict can be so unbelievably hard. I have found peace by focusing what I can control which is myself and only myself. We cant control others no matter how much we want to. Put the mask on yourself. You deserve to focus on you and your mental and physical health.

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#3

Get a restraining order

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#4

Restraining order

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#5

I agree with Keith and Carrie.

#6

I also agree it is time to get a restraining order. He is not capable of being rational or controlling his thoughts and emotions as his addiction is in the drivers seat right now. Using is the only concern he can focus on at the moment, and you cannot wait for it to change.

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#7

Ok, you absolutely need to get the police involved. You may have a criminal record but that does NOT matter in any way or make you less of a person!!!!! This man has hurt you and abuses You and causes you to hurt yourself, if he won’t leave you need to call the cops. If that does not work, possibly calling your landlord and letting them know you’re in a violent situation and you need to move. by law they have you let you out of your lease if you’re the victim of abuse, at least depending on the state you’re in. Call the cops, you matter, we’re here for you.

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#8

As difficult and painful as it was I walked away from someone who was dragging me down because if addiction. Over a year later I realize my life is better without her and I'm proud of myself for having the strength to walk away. I remember now that everything inside me was screaming at me to walk away for almost an entire year. Looking back it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

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#9

Thank you , I called victims advocacy today. They said I can't evict him because of covid but if I have a protective order that forces him to leave. They offer a program I can use to move and they pay rent .. so he doesn't know where I live

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#10

Sometimes the hardest thing to read or look at is the truth about yourself. I Had A wife a 3 kids and today I have no contact with them because of restraining orders. I was not physically damaging and I was definitely mentally damaging I can never get enough they were never going to be enough. And until I lost everything everyone and almost my life did I realize that by my ex getting a restraining order and me not seeing my family for almost a year I can't believe I'm going to say this and I do believe you do need to get a restraining order I truly believe it might have saved my life

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#11

Thank you for your insight. I'm calling the cops today to make a report but I'm so scared he will hate me.

#12

Please don’t relapse! I have been sober for 4 years. I am no longer in abusive relationships. I am a sincere person to chat with. I used to work in pro wrestling, a highly toxic job. I made nice $, got dependent on booze, Ambien for 2 years. Sleepy time Valerian teabags with 12 oz of boiling water, and some CBD oil, perfect, You don’t need to relapse or the addict that is living with you, Get out ASAP! I have been there and I’m a guy. Women can be like that too. I have your back 100%.

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#13

If he hates you, he is wrong.

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#14

ProgresI’ve with a perdicable outcome jails instatutiobe ordeath

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#15

People places and things will make you use also let go. I don't know how much you've invested in this relationship but it's not working for you.

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#16

I went through the Same thing also but I didn't stop praying and GOD gave me the strength and the opportunity to get out and I ran with it and haven't looked back we were together for 17yrs and we used together for 8 of those yrs together

Don't stop praying sweets

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#17

Well, group conscience is “get a restraining order.” I learned about “group conscience” when I first got clean. If I run something by two or more recovering addicts and they come up with a similar or same answer, then that's group conscience.

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#18

Dig deep within in yourself and be the princess warrior that you were born to be. You can live a great life you just got to fight for it. That dude is dead weight, worry about number 1 right now and thats YOU. Good luck you got this.

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#19

Thank you for the reminder! I believe my judge will be placing a no contact order on him & I

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#20

I am praying for you :revolving_hearts: and things will work out…..

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