New to this App. I’m 66 days sober!

Recovery
#1

I was 3.5 years sober from IV Heroin until I relapsed after a horrific ending to an abusive & highly toxic relationship, which left me jobless, and homeless just before Covid started last year.

After losing the ability to see my providers face to face because of Covid, I quickly turned right back to my favorite coping mechanism to deal with the stress and anxiety I was experiencing after losing so much so quickly.

I went on a nearly year long run which ended with me getting arrested for trafficking. There was no real end in sight for me, so my arrest was honestly the silver lining of all of this.

After getting arrested, I detoxed in jail for two weeks, and found a great Sober House to live in, and I’ve been here now for almost two months, involved in the AA community, but I’m struggling with finding a sponsor with whom I align with, and I’m also beginning to think that maybe AA is not for me.

I’ve tried working with two separate sponsors with whom I fail to connect with, and I fear that most of the sponsors don’t think like I do. I have done a lot of work surrounding my trauma, and making amends with people in my life, I readily admit that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol, I have had a spiritual awakening prior to my first stint in recovery, and I have a great relationship with my higher power.

I am highly self aware, and I personally believe that I might flourish in another type of recovery program, but AA just is not for me.

Does anyone have any recommendations on programs that have worked for them? What did you love about it? What did you hate about it?

Feel free to message me privately! Thank you all for reading : )

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#2

There are YouTube communities with different approaches, the following is a start Addiction: Tomorrow Is Going To Be Better Brandon Novak's Story #theaddictionseries #dontgiveup - YouTube

#3

Thank you Frank

#4

CG kid (also YouTube) is an interesting guy, anonymous is not his thing, but he found his way of focusing his struggle through interviewing addicts and 12 stepping

#5

Hey Timothy: My name is John and I'm 3 years, 5 months and 4 days clean and sober. I am a former IV drug user myself. I work the NA program and it really works for me. I will dm/pm you. Thanks for reaching out. "Closed mouths don't get fed." someone once told me.

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#6

Congratulations!:partying_face: I had seen someone suggest This Naked Mind - a book. Ordered it and it’s a different take from the steps but really good​:heart: there’s a website/FB page also

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#7

I struggle with the same drug plus some. And aa/na is for sure not for me. If you get any great information please pass it along. Thank you

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#8

Thank you John!

#9

Thank you Kathe :pray:t3:

#10

Thank you Kristina!

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#11

SMART TOOL Tim. I can’t do all the Jesusy stuff so I practice cognitive behavioral therapy. I’m 165 days sober from Alcohol and the SMART tool has been essential to that.

#13

I’m a firm believer in CBT, and I’ve also added in some EMDR and looking into Electro Shock Therapy for PTSD.

The shock therapy (although it sounds barbaric) I’ve read has had some pretty positive results for PTSD. It’s ALOT less violent than it sounds, and is much more targeted than methods of the past. It does come with residual memory loss, ( but mainly memories that I don’t think any of us mind leaving behind).

I still attend AA meetings, mainly for the community aspect. I value that aspect of AA. However, Where I lose interest is the cultish, classist belief that someone who has gone through the steps has something that I don’t. I’ve worked hard in therapy to get to a place of peace within myself, and a knowledge and deep understanding of why I behave the way I do.

In my experience with just a few interactions with graduates of the 12 steps, they don’t take into account any of the work that I’ve already done, and label me unwilling to make the sacrifices to be a sponsee under them. I find this to be extremely problematic, frankly insulting, and triggering to just erase all the hard work I’ve put in because of their lack of open mindedness to believe that I could have possibly found my own solution to the allergy or disease.

Why must people new to AA need to leave all the hard work, years of therapy, and invaluable amounts of self awareness at the door?

Why can’t I be accepted and taken seriously by anyone without shedding myself of these facts about myself that make me the person I’m proud to be?

I had a relapse under a massive amount of stress, and I know that had I had a support network I would have survived and remained sober. My solution to that problem is attending AA, and expanding my network so I never have to go through stress like that alone.

I just wish I could be accepted by the graduates, and be acknowledged as having a solution that works, and frankly follows the 12 steps traditions, but attained before I ever even knew what the 12 steps were?

It seems that there’s a classist system to AA that excludes people like myself who have done the work, but will never receive acknowledgement for doing so without admitting to them (what I would consider lying to appease them) that I have no idea what I’m talking about.

If I didn’t work so feverishly to get to where I’m at mentally (which is at peace) I would gladly bow to their rules, but I can not do it based on principle.

#14

Hi Timothy. Congrats :confetti_ball:

Thank you sharing your experiences with us. It’s good to hear that things are improving for you.

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#15

Hey Kevin. When I came into the program I found by going to multiple meetings each day which ones I felt were the best for me. Sharing about where I was and how new it all was for me. It gave the people around me a good look into what I was going though and where I was at that moment with my sobriety. As others shared I learned who I felt connections with which within 2 months I had picked a great woman that I wanted to be my sponser. I knew which meetings I learned from, I could see the people there would come back night after night and even those with 10-45 years sober still showed up. Not only did I find the right sponser for me but I found the best friends that way as well. Now I'm between year 3-4 and she's still my sponser. With Covid things changed with our meetings but soon we are all going to be able to go back to our favorites. All of us have each other's number and we stay very in touch with each other.
I think finding where you are comfortable, where you will go and finding faces that you'll see frequently are key in this journey. I can't imagine how I would have gotten here without each one of those people. Finding your sponser is important but you need someone that is going to challenge you and keep you learning why this option is the best decision your ever made. One day at a time, step by step, best journey to you.

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#16

Sorry about the typos :blush:

#17

Hello, very nice picture. Alcohol is my drug of choice. I’m 4 months sober. 62 years old.

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#18

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response Whit.

I shared very honestly how I was feeling tonight at my meeting, and I had two people approach me afterwards and we exchanged numbers to chat.

I’m crossing my fingers in hopes that I connect with one of thee gentleman :crossed_fingers:t2:

#19

Thank you Cynthia, and Congratulations :tada: 4 months!

Everyday is another reason to celebrate :confetti_ball:

#20

Hi kevin, I’m new too & I can relate. Fell off the bandwagon 2 months ago bc of a toxic relationship. Started going back to the rooms (virtually) bc I don’t know what else to do. I may hire a “sober buddy” to live w me for a few weeks but it’s insanely expensive! Keep me posted on alternatives!

#21

Hi kevin, I’m new too & I can relate. Fell off the bandwagon 2 months ago bc of a toxic relationship. Started going back to the rooms (virtually) bc I don’t know what else to do. I may hire a “sober buddy” to live w me for a few weeks but it’s insanely expensive! Open to anything at this point