My wife told me I was better as a drunk!

Recovery
#1

My wife told me I was better as a drunk! Big blow to my ego. Glad I checked my ego in at the door.

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#3

That's harsh. Please don't take it personally.

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#4

That’s a rough one. Stay the course!

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#5

After getting clean and sober people have a tendency to be seen as a different person. Technically we are different no mind altering substances to change us. Good luck hopefully she falls in love with the new you

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#6

Was she sober when she said this? Wondering if you both may have been enabling one another and she has some deep seated, even unconscious fears that are coming up.

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#7

I have also heard that one. Give her time you will mellow out as time goes on and she will probably like you better in the end.

#8

I know the feeling Mick. My wife told me she sometimes wishes I would die. My drinking caused that... but it still hurts to hear.

#9

Obviously I have more things to work on but my reply would probably have been “you were too when I was drunk.” Sorry to here that hope you have other types of support around you. Is she a drinker? If so it’s totally understandable why she’d throw that at you. I guess you have to keep being sober and she’ll eventually will see you in a better light.

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#10

What do you mean by fears?

#11

I am 2.5 years sober, I feel like she resents me more and more every day. I don’t know if she hates the fact that I am changing for the better or I just don’t put up with as much of her b.s anymore. I also consider her an active alcoholic

#12

I think she hates the new me, because I am not as much of a pushover as I used to be. I am a stronger person who wants to better myself and she hates it. She begged me to stop drinking for years and now she doesn’t even support me in my efforts. I feel that it is resentment and maybe animosity coming from her

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#13

Yes she is a drinker and has gotten worse ever since I quit 2.5 years ago. I kind of think it does have to do with that.

#14

We numb to avoid our issues, chronic drinking deepens the wound and layers on shame, guilt, self hatred. The alcohol turns the fear into anger. I would imagine there is a lot of fear: root cause of reason why someone numbs, the shame for what she does and doesn’t remember but now you can, and fear that you judge her and will eventually leave her.

#15

Hi Mick, thank you for your sharing what is happening. I am 14 months into a divorce after my wife filed fo divorce only after I quit drinking...oddly she blamed all family problems on my drinking up until the point I quit drinking...and also blamed her own personal problems on my drinking up till the point I quit drinking.

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#16

Hey Mick , it’s called codependency, you should research the subject it will be very beneficial to you and her . It’s almost like she was addicted to you drinking and has managed her life around that . It’s bery hard to deal with the new person you have become .

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#17

Sounds to me as though her "social" drinking means far to much to her. She may be having trouble coming to grips with the idea that she too may have a problem.

#19

That’s really shitty. Do what’s best for you

#21

Sorry you're going through that. That sounds so tough.

I'm sure you actually getting sober has probably also knocked lose her own insecurities about the amount she drinks herself too.

Also I agree with your statement...once you stop drinking you are less likely to put up with the things you did before because you are no longer in the "ah fuck it" drunk mood where anything goes. She probably doesn't like that you are actively striving to improve the situation around you. Including not putting up with her shit.

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#25

Not TRUE

#26

I’m sorry, that sucks! I can relate, I was told the same, my husband is an active alcoholic. That led me to see that things would never change for him, and I finally asked him to leave. It was hard, but it was the best thing to do for my recovery in choosing myself. I wish you the best of luck :pray:

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