Hey, all. Brand new here. I'm only 6 days sober and this definitely isn't my first rodeo. This has been an ongoing struggle for much longer than I'd like to admit. I've done it all: AA, therapy, meds, inpatient, outpatient, sober houses... And on it goes. I'm determined to make this time the last time.
Finally got back to the gym which I LOVE and really, really helps me stay sober. I'm starting a new job on the 21st so I'm just trying to stay busy and stay positive. Free time has not been my friend in the past.
Anyway, looking forward to meeting new people and hopefully forming some relationships.
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Staying busy can be a double edge sword, what kept me staying was getting in and staying in the middle of the pack, I was so attached to AA that after 4 years my sponsor told me it was time for me to start taking risks, now even though I did, I stayed close to the program and my sponsor, no matter what. Welcome home friend.
Obviously I'm nowhere close to 4 years but what did your sponsor mean by taking risks? And thank you 
Well she meant it was time for me to start doing things out side off AA and to start dating.
What I’m trying to say is stick close to the program and the fellowship
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Your story scares and inspires me. Sounds like you have done it all and I have only tried meds and a few AA meetings. Currently 2 days sober and taking meds. The struggle is real.
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Oh no! I don't want to scare anyone! Everyone is different. Some people get it on the first try and never look back. Some people get it on the 50th try. But you can't give up no matter what. Reach out. Post here. Go to meetings. You can do this.
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Hey Jason! You’re heroic to keep fighting. Keep the fire.
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Yes, this has been the umpteenth time I’ve tried. I’ve listened to many audiobooks as well. It seems some can cut back. I don’t know how though. One for me leads to ten and eventually blackout with waking up with remorse, self loathing as well as the physical effects. I’ve joined an online program with video MD and therapist visits as well as meds so I’m more committed this time.
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Shirley, don’t be scared we only have to do this thing one day at a time.
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This morning as I was waking up, I was actually lucid dreaming and someone was telling me don’t you feel good that you slept well and do t have any hangover symptoms? I literally woke up feeling like my guardian angel or higher power whom I prayed for help was talking to me. Needless to say I woke up feeling so positive.
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Most definitely, I’ve had some many moments where, God did for me when I couldn’t do for myself, hang on to those moments and give gratitude.
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I really can relate to your post. I’ve also tried many times and kept relapsing. What’s import is to keep coming back as some don’t make it back. Thanks for sharing this and welcome back!!
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Just don’t do it and then just don’t do it again.
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Yeah, there's no cutting back for me. When I drink I DRINK. I drank AT LEAST 2 liters of vodka a day. Blacked out every time. I've been hospitalized with a BAC of .51 which is unheard of. The doctor said he'd never seen that in 22 years. Also said if I'm drinking that much I'm probably at .40 or higher on a daily basis. I'm kinda terrified thinking of the damage I've done to my body.
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It's great that you woke up feeling positive! I'm not trying to be a jerk but just be careful with the "pink cloud".
What is the pink cloud? I’m just taking it one day at a time and trying to focus on the positives and how I feel and planning for tackling the triggers when they occur.
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"Pink clouding, or pink cloud syndrome, describes a stage of early addiction recovery that involves feelings of euphoria and elation. When you're in this phase, you feel confident and excited about recovery."
So the danger in that is that some people start thinking, "hey, maybe I can just have 1 or 2" or "I think I can drink/use in moderation". Again, everyone is different. Some people might be the complete opposite and be miserable in early recovery.
Yeah I have been there before. I went almost 3 months sober and thought I could drink in moderation. Now I know different. I just struggle with the thought that wow, never again. I can never enjoy a drink again. Then I think about it. What is so enjoyable about the next day wondering what I did the night before, the headaches and nausea and racing heartbeat and sometimes dizziness and finger twitches?
I had 14 months AGES ago. Relapsed, obviously. And I wasn't even mad. I told myself "I'll drink one weekend a month." 5 minutes later I think "I can do every other weekend." Needless to say I didn't even do that and I was off to the races.
I need to remember the next day(s). With the amount I drink even when I finally stop it might take up to 3 days to feel "normal" again.