Have been dating a man for 4 years now. He is on and off with his sobriety - I am not an addict nor do I mess around with any alcohol or drugs. Tonight is day three that I have let him go- he just disappears and doesn’t contact me. Why can’t I just let go? Tired of being hurt when he goes off on one and doesn’t contact me. I take him back over and over!
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i’m sorry. you’re both suffering through this addiction and i hope he finds help soon. i was so horrible to my loved ones during active addiction.. i’m not sure what advice to give but just know it’s nothing personal, the addiction is just ruthless..
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It’s time to sit down together and have an honest, serious talk about the relationship, seems like he needs help and accept it , realize and appreciate your support, good luck 
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Thank you for replying! I take care of him even though I am a single mom, and make sure that he has food and everything. Time after time I have helped him - can’t he just reach out to me once? I don’t understand why I have to hurt when I have done nothing!
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He won’t ever talk about anything. When we argue he says he doesn’t want to talk about it - he knows and will do better! Same song and dance!
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I did that for YEARS!!! He's definitely using. Do yourself a favor and find someone healthy for yourself and your kid... your setting the standard for your little one. Hes not being good to himself right now and can't be good to you. He disappears not oy bc he's using but bc he's ashamed and doesn't want you to see him like that. He will keep doing it if he always has a safe place to fall. He's gotta pull himself up by the boot straps and make the decision for himself. No amount of love you give him will fix him. Idk if I'm being harsh but I lived this for 10 years. Just one person's opinion.
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I can’t agree with you more Dawn
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I know your right Dawn- I do! I have heard it before. He came in to my life after I got a divorce of 26 years. He lifted me up when I was down and depressed. I think that my tears are coming for the fear of being right back where I was before he came. He is 56- when will he grow up?
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Sadly, he may never. And of he does find it w.in himself that's great! But you've done your time, you've savrificed...its ok to do this for yourself too... recovery isn't just for the addict but loved ones too. My ex of the ten years is 44 now w.two daughters pulling the same shit w.his girl and family. Your better than this and it's not your job to fix him!!! Find strength in being on your own! Discover who you are bc I'm willing to bet your amazing and you don't even know it!!! And think of the money you'll save not supporting a grown ass man lol!! Find yourself then find your equal! He's out there and honey it ain't him!!! You got this!
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You need to have boundaries in your life or you will get hurt every time... get on your knees ask God for guidance and do what good for you ...and don't blame him for making you feel that way...he's human and probably doing the best he can as well.. make your a priority...
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That's some really solid advice Dawn.
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I sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately it's time to take a hard stance if he refuses to acknowledge a problem and seek help. It's not fair to you and ultimately, although your intentions are good, you're enabling continued suffering. Be strong and I wish you the best.
This addiction is very powerful i lost a family to this.
Although I’m now living alone I’m nine and half years sober.
My family is back in my to the best of their ability and that’s ok.
Bottom line nothing changes if nothing changes.
Codependent relationship sounds like and maybe a bit of an enabler. I have experienced that type of torturous relationship it really sucks. If I’m wrong about my assessment I’m sorry was just trying to share some of my experience
You are definitely enabling with the codependency. The best thing is for him to be completely removed, you don’t have to give up entirely, but you really should if he won’t go to a rehab and show you and his wellness actually matters. Dont let this person bring you and your children down with him. Your children don’t just see him suffering momma!
Live & learn!! Some lessons are harder than others!!! If I can help through my own experiences...I'm happy too!! 
Perfectly said Dawn! J’Lee, it’s the truth. I had no true value of anyone else during my active addiction. Even dry, I had to surrender to the program of A.A. before I truly maid any progress. Prayers for you.
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Take care of yourself first.
ALANON is a good program for you to look into. They specialize in family of addiction. You might also want to consider counseling as well to help you break the cycle.
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