Do people truly understand & appreciate your sober journey?
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My family certainly didn't. I was disowned and didn't speak to them for 20 years. I wanted to make amends to my mother, but my brother said he had to be present so I wouldn't upset her. She and I worked things out. But the rest of my family didn't trust me. Since she died, our relationship is basically non existant. It's not that they don't understand, it's that they refuse to understand. Not everyone welcomes you back when you sober up.
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I could understand that part on where you’re coming from completely but is it just substances or alcohol as well?
That is very true indeed, not everybody does welcome you back & sometimes it makes you wonder if they welcomed you to begin with even before of course depending on who it may have been. It’s unfortunate that sometimes we do hurt people so bad that sometimes it’s best to just part ways with some individuals (friends/family) plus some people can be so caught up on being vengeful & rebellious at us for being in such a dark place. Sometimes we have to let others out to let others in.
The ones that truly understand it’s a disease
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Great question. My first try at recovery failed in part because I worried a lot about how others would see me. It felt like my recovery was defined by everyone but me. This time (10 years older) I'm focused on recovery for me, because I want to believe I deserve it. I'm not asking for others to understand. That can be lonely though, so I appreciate seeing others journeys:)
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My wife doesn’t, she wanted me to get sober for years and I finally did and now I feel she resents me for it even as far as to say I was better as a drunk!
I didn’t even want to tell her that I just reached 1000 days because I was afraid what her sarcastic response would be and I didn’t want to have it ruin my day. I waited until I got to a meeting and shared it with a group of guys who actually support and encourage me
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Very few do. Most of my friends make jokes about their alcohol abuse or send memes & gifs that support getting wasted. I’m not that girl anymore!!
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You pose a good question. Id have to say that many times it was not appreciated, by many people. I think thats helped me love some at a distance and others close.
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Do you still involve yourself with those that don’t?
Yes, but guarded
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Beautiful & congrats on that! Yes last year I failed about 2 months out of my first treatment center, I thought I was doing it for myself at the time but I was doing it to try & reconcile what I see now as a toxic relationship in general, after relapsing for about 10 months, I finally was able to realize that my life was in jeopardy in more than one way & I didn’t need to prove myself to her or anybody else & have been gradually being selfish within my recover which is GREAT & have been truly doing it because I want it, I need it & it’s something I need to understand so I can hopefully help others understand in another way, whether they’re going through the struggle of alcohol/addiction or not. Keep up the great work!
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First & foremost, congrats on your milestones of sobriety that’s dope & not in a bad way lol! It’s crazy how much of an inspiration & encouragement each & everyone of us can be to a complete stranger whether ones starting at day one or reaching day 1000, as long as we don’t compare our time to one another’s for our walks of life aren’t entirely the same, although they may be similar within our disease. Why do you feel she would have resented you for such an accomplishment?
I can understand that, some people may not realize or choose to realize that things can be triggers for some as others are able to go along and laugh it off for what it is & not be affected by it. How do you handle those situations when being sent the jokes, GIFs & memes on your end?
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Indeed & that’s the beauty about life & being granted with the option of choice in all we do, the ability to choose who & what we want to deal with as well as the ability to choose or not choose sobriety & those within it in general. Do you feel they don’t appreciate your journey or sobriety, or that it’s something more internal within them & they don’t appreciate the fact that they don’t have the strength you have to do what you’re doing?
Let me rephrase that, not that they don’t have the strength, but they have yet to choose, have desire, or have yet to find the strength to do what you’re doing in sobriety?
Respectfully
Oh okay, I agree with that being a substance indeed. Are these individuals people you hang out on a regular basis that alcohol is involved or is it during special occasions/gatherings?
Well said, i couldn’t agree more. I feel like she resents me for getting sober because it was something she wanted for so long and now that I am sober I am changing for the better in every aspect. Including not being her doormat to wipe her feet on. She is still drinking and will not admit she has a problem and I think she thinks I make her look like less of a person. Does that make any sense?
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I find that people can't truly understand unless they have lived it too. Family that have been there the whole time, might get it but will never truly understand.
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I have been calling it a GIFT. I feel lucky to be on this journey
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