Why is it so hard to stay sober day after day? They say God gives you know more than you can handle. I believe that some of the times.
The reason I believe in that sometimes is because I lost my wife three years ago. She was deathly ill she had what they called Wagner‘s disease. Yes we knew that she was going to pass away. Passed away December 24, 2017. But you know that’s what she wanted for Christmas that year was a go home and be with Jesus. That was the first time that I heard anybody got their wish for Christmas. Six months after that I went to the doctors and I ended up with COPD, chronic heart failure and diabetes. And I’m still dealing with all this. I think God gave me more than I could handle at that point. I have 35 years of sobriety and yes there’s been many of times since all this I’ve been thinking about drinking. I haven’t picked up a drink yet. Because I remember when I first got sober. God was there for me and I know he’s here for me now. But there’s a lot of times that I believe that he’s not. There’s one thing I can tell you that sobriety is awesome. And I can do this one day at a time as I was taught in Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics anonymous in the members is the best thing that ever happened to me.Because if I wasn’t sober I would’ve never met my wife. And those were the best 23 years of my life and every day of those were sober. And I’m still sober today just for today.
Wow. You have a powerful message to share and I'm not easily moved. I clicked on this post because of seeing the phrase "god doesnt give you more then you can handle " .. lately that phrase has been pissing me off a lot since its just another lie. I really hate the feel good phrases. So shallow. A bandaid. Hopium. Lies. All of them. Oh were given way more then we can handle. We're just ignoring most of it. I do want to say I'm impressed you havent drank. But I know a lot of people who are sober 20 to 30 years (I'm currently a drug addict) and they talk about wanting to drink or thinking about it but the truth is they're so far removed from the life that even if they did they probably wouldn't like it. I'm sorry but alcohol isn't all that. The next day makes it not worth the gas to get to the bar liquor store. You and they have 35 years of sobriety built all around them. 35 years of sobriety is a lifetime. I dont know what you got from AA (I prefer going to AA because it's less chaotic and NA is word salad & hyper fidgety & unbearable. Also I know it's not the substance it's the mind).
I was saying I dont know what you got that I didnt. I've heard so many people say the same thing - that they remembered when they first got sober and i just dont get it. Whatever it is I never got it. I have had periods of clean time. A few times I've had a year or more clean. Almost 5 years one time. The periods of sobriety are the times in my li. f
When I accomplished meaningful things and made progress and really lived, engaged in life and was very successful. You have 35 years of that. A whole marriage.. truly a lifetime. This last relapse took everything I had. I didn't care since I had no intentions of returning from it. I stayed clean for a year and for the 1st time did not bounce back. Not at all. I always bounced back. I ended up waiting a year and using again. I've been using for 9 months. I'm not going all out, I'm actually trying to build my life back. Good things are developing. But its overwhelming the damage.. this isn't exactly working out tho. Like I don't pay attention and fuck things up and the chaos is ever present the people linger.. my memory or my sleep habits.. emotionally unstable at times and the anger I have toward God is palpable. I feel absolutely zero connection. There's nothing there. The regret and guilt and depression.. despair over my son. I had a sponsor that most recent year who was an old dear friend as well.. passed away August 2020. A few months before that she was the bearer of bad news - my best friend had killed himself.. we were not on speaking terms. When he passed. I had lost my business years earlier and my taxes aren't done and I owe the IRS and have no other skills and covid keeps me from restaurant work the only thing I can do. My career requires licensing through the state hence the debacle. I have so many things going against me and 1 person who wants to utterly destroy me and has actively, diabolically planned and executed things that are intended to pummel me. Onslaught of a stream of things... he is evil. He is my sons father. We've been split up for 7 years and he blames me for his loss of self confidence, he blames me for everything including his unhappiness. He doesnt take responsibility for anything and blames others no matter what its about. But he denies that he has put so much energy and effort in to destroying me.. he has used a child to hurt me and that right there is not ok. Its child abuse. He has tried very hard to ostracize me from my family. My parents. He has been somewhat succesful... so I have quite a lot going against me. I'm not a fighter. I fold easily. I'm surprised I haven't killed
Jennifer Mahar
This is the first time I ever got sober. And the reason I do remember when I first get sober. I went to rehab for 30 days. And I heard people talking about halfway houses. And I asked my counselor what a halfway house was and he explained it to me and I went there. But he told me I didn’t need it because it was my first time in recovery. But I insisted on going and I’m glad that I did. He said everything up for me before I get out of rehab.. So my 30 days is up in rehab and I went back home. And I wished I didn’t go back home because I picked up again. Just once and it was one beer. And then I remember everybody saying people places and things are relapses Waiting to happen. So after all that to make a long story short. I came back to Albany and I stayed an alcohol crisis center for six months before the halfway House had a bedroom for me. You want to talk about a reminder that’s the place to go. Meetings meetings meetings every day three and four meetings a day for six months. And you know I never felt better in my life.
Jennifer do you have to remember people places and things. You cannot let your ex get in your head. That’s the worst thing that you could do is let him do that. But if you ever need someone to talk to you can text me on here and I’ll get back to you. I lost everything I ever had when I was drinking and doing drugs. Now that I think of everything that I lost they were only things. Things that I got back from being sober. We can do anything that we set our minds to do. But you have to remember you have to come first. If you don’t put yourself first and some things and situations you will pick up again. And I choose not to do that today. I’ve had many people asked me if I wanted to beer I Laughed at them. I said no I’m a recovering alcoholic and they started laughing at me. And that’s OK today they can laugh at me if they want. So don’t be afraid to text me and open up about some things. Do you have to be really serious about your recovery and use the people that you have and The things you have to help you through everything. It’s never easy trust me 35 years and I’m still asking for help sometimes. I was I have to do is just say that I want to drink again and I have people there that’s willing to help me. That’s all you have to do is reach out and say I need help I want to use again. And I am pretty sure that people will be there for you. If I see that anybody needs help on here I’ll be there for them. And I will always be there for you as well. Please don’t ever forget that. So reach out it’ll get easier as time goes. But it never goes away you have to remember that never goes away. And thank you for reading my post I hope you got something out of it and I hope you get something out of this as well. Remember one day at a time and I forget to do it one day at a time do it one minute at a time. It always works if you work it So work it because you’re worth it.
Erin Ashley Mapes
I just want to thank you for reading my post. And thank you for the encouraging words as well.Hi Kelly. I'm sorry so much is going on. I do believe God gives us more than we can handle because we rely on Him when we're overwhelmed. Our faith is tried so that our faith is made stronger.
This too will pass.