Well, morphine free....
I know I don’t want to get addicted to morphine, or even heroin, or fentanyl again. I know the next time will be my last.
I don’t want to sacrifice the trust I have rebuilt with my daughter.
I don’t want to sacrifice the progress I have made, and becoming a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist. I have a lot to look forward to...
I have struggled recently. I walked down to the local drug dealer to get some heroin/fentanyl. By the Grace of god, his hook up never called back.
I don’t want to ever become an addict again, not even to get anyone to love me.
Loving an addict is by definition “co-dependency”. Sex can be an addiction. (Words of scientists and Mental Health professionals, not mine). Anything can be an addiction if it causes you to be homeless or to sacrifice your well being. Covering up these things and my lack of self esteem is probably one of the things that drove me to use in the first place. I have come to realize this lately....
I struggle with the honest truth in the light of dealing with Life on it’s own terms.
Still, I have intrinsic value. I can make new healthy friends and cultivate satisfactory relationships. If I am too old, not good looking enough, or have too much baggage for someone else, then so be it.
I am just me.
For better or for worse,
In sickness and in health,
All the days of my Life.
And I am beautiful!
