was sober for a little over 2 years. I relapsed about 3 weeks ago. I realize now I’m not ok and I’m trying to make the moves to help myself. I absolutely hate NA meetings for many reasons but I’m trying. I’m back in counseling. But I feel so hopeless, lonely, and guilty. I was just honest with my boyfriend father of both my children. It was so hard. He acts like he’s perfect I hate talking to people I feel like all I get is judgement.
One of my friends died a week ago. It litterally shattered me. She left behind 2 kids I’ve known her for 21 years. It opened my eyes because the last time we pickup could very well be our last. I live about 40min from Kensington. Not sure if you know what that is but it’s so deadly I don’t even go to Philly anymore in fear of never leaving. Part of me hates myself I can’t stand my life this mental illness and addiction even in recovery is crippling everyday. I relapsed because my mother contacted me. I didn’t talk to her for 18 months for various reasons. She’s extremely toxic to my mental and physical well being. The last year has been rough but the last 3 months have been my hardest. Coping with stress daily and grieving I don’t know how to do it. I’m in a huge funk and I don’t know how to get myself out of it.
Sorry for the length of the post.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Good luck with today forward.
Sometimes a good vent is needed. Not saying give him a pass but be patient with you boyfriend. I find folks who don't deal with addiction often have a hard time accepting the nature of it and a harder time understanding it.
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