Waking up feeling sick as hell....again. somehow I'll still want

Waking up feeling sick as hell....again. I'm so tired of doing this to myself all the time but I don't know how to stop. It's ruining everything

Have you considered a detox program? You might look at the telehelp tab in Sobriety help. They can help guide you. Folks in an AA group might have valuable insight as well.

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In addition to what Steve suggested, speak with your MD, too.

You just took the first step in stopping. You decided you want to. Look up a sober group near you and get to a meeting asap.