So have you stopped melatonin?
I have 8 days today and I just got back into IOP because I realize that I don’t know everything I need to to stay sober and I was struggling like you Emily but I unfortunately did relapse but for me and the addict I am I have to be connected even if that means getting back into a recovery program. Don’t throw it all away. There is tons of help around you and if what you know feels like it’s failing, heck why not at least look into an op program if your able to? Living on that edge is not fun and if your like me your always anxious and that’s no way to live. Give yourself a break and check out what’s available near you because it’s just not worth it and you can stay sober. Hang in there!!!
Stopped taking any meds at all and reporting to my sponsor when I need to put any substance in my body, even Tylenol. The way I stay clean is to stay vigilant. And I feel about a million times better btw, physically and spiritually. I’m going through a ton of difficult life stuff right now and I’m doing it clean and dare I say serene. F@$k yeah.
I am 100% here with you on, "this addict will always want more". You seem like you know yourself and your own faults when it comes to judgement calls with substances available. I don't have any suggestions that sound fun besides tire yourself out more during the day. That's one of my only solutions as well. I know my addiction is an eager dormant enemy. It's not making too much noise right now but it's gonna try to find a way out if I even give it the illusion of a chance to try something new or go back to something old.
Your in my prayers and thoughts girl. You're strong and I hope you figure out what works for you so you can get some regular Zzzzs 
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Get to meetings. If you have a sponsor call them. You’ll have rough days but it will make you stronger in the end.
Melatonin it's not a drug butbi do understand what u mean considering we do everything to an extreme..