I went through 6 days of detox a week ago only to get out and relapse immediately within 48 hours. Now im using again like crazy and can't get a grip on myself. I'm horribly depressed and can't sleep at all as well. I'm pissed at myself for putting myself right back at square one. After almost 15 years of this shit my body just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. Cannot find a long term residential treatment center that accepts my insurance so I'm screwed there. I have zero support system, family doesn't talk to me anymore, and all I know are fellow drug associates. How the hell does anyone overcome this and truly become clean again. And the drugs do not make me feel any better like they used to do. Its a dead end but in my insanity I feel like I have to use something because I just can't bare to be sober where I feel everything and all my emotions come back. Its too much. I dont know that there really is a viable way out of all this for many of us.
I've been there brother, I gave up on anything good happening. 16 years deep in it. I found my higher power and meetings. Just keep trying, it took me multiple times to get to 40 days. Its a tough road but it can be done. Believe in yourself!
I got sober 14 years ago while.being locked up. I had never been away from drinking for 37 years. I went to meetings while I was lo ked up. I dry detoxed with no meds and survived. I knew. If I drank again I would die. I stayed with it even after being released. Its hard as he'll every day to not pick up but it is very possible if you vive an honest effort. I learned to feel the pain of all the emotions I drank to cover up. It hurts like hell. One after another and I still stay sober no matter how much it hurts. Stay with it and you 'll have a life beyond your wildest dreams .