Today will be exactly 3 weeks clean and for the first 2 weeks I felt empowered but two nights ago I thought “i made it past the worst, if I just get a little it will be fine.” Then I thought about my husband and our life together and I chose him over the drug. I felt so incredibly proud of myself.. but then last night I almost did it again. I went to bed with the mind set that I’ll just get a little and no one has to know, it will be fine. When I woke up in the middle of the night I was snuggled up with him and told myself again that he is way more important than any drug. I hate how easily my mind wanders off the deep end. I’m so thankful I didn’t cave and still have my 3 weeks but I hate how close I’ve gotten. Any pointers besides mediation and meetings? I don’t share a lot and haven’t really opened up so meetings aren’t super helpful to me yet. Maybe I just haven’t found the right one. Still looking for someone to sponsor me as well. I finally made the smart decision to delete any number than I associate with getting the drug. I just want to show my husband how much he means to me by telling him about how close I came and chose him instead but he’s already having such a hard time with this. Anyone have any pointers? Thank you in advance
