Today I had a surreal moment at work. It felt like I was actually living and not on autopilot. It was a proud moment but also a sad moment at the same time, I nearly cried at my desk. If it wasn't for people like you guys I probably wouldn't be where I am. Sobriety has taught me a lot and I'm happy to be where I am but I still wonder "what if" for a lot of things. I'm still glad to be here though
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I am sorry you also see that as a sad moment. I think that is great to be in a place where you feel you are taking back control that was stolen and feeling life as it's coming at you instead of just going through the motions. I feel like a lot of us here have been there and it is not a great place to be when day to day just feels like checking boxes to get to the end. I'm happy for you and that change 
The first time in the pilot seat is a terrifying feeling. But you got this. As far as what ifs...there is an old joke that applies. Forget the past you can't change it, forget the future it isn't promised, forget the present I didn't get you one.
Honestly though, the stuff in the past will what if you to death. You jave to learn 2 things one it happened the way it did, no changing it. 2 worry about the past is carrying yesterday's problems with today's. We only have strength for one.