Today I was talking to two people, one in early recovery and one who has logged, IDK, couple years. Anyway, the person in early recovery was talking about all the trouble they are in from drinking. The other person telling the new comer "alcohol is your problem, you can't drink". I am try to figure out why I was bitting my tongue during thier exchange. Then when they turned to me, I was very passive aggressive in my response. Bitting my tongue, not so rare. Being P/A is, I typically have no issues meeting folks where thier at. I feel like I am being judgemental, because currently I have no intentions on making amends. I believe my response was honest, providing a reasonable consideration in challenging thier line of thinking. However my delivery.... This is tough for me. How do I prioritize the need here? I believe my reply was what the both of them needed to here, i am thinking amends may hurt them taking from what " I think they needed to here". Thoughts anybody?
Hmmm, does anyone agree or disagree the statement " alcohol is your problem, you can't drink" is a distortion in thought or at minimum impede the progress of recovery? For me the difference between all my recovery attempts to recovery success was my perception. Me telling myself or hearing "alcohol is my problem" was/is not based in reality. True be told I was the problem I used alcohol among other things as the solution to reward myself, relax and/or escape. Or for me to say/ hear " you/I can't drinks" was a continuation of my thought distortions. I don't know how many times I said or heard that, yet I continued to drink. I don't know about anyone else, but I have never been successful at anything saying " I can't". My reality is I can drink I choose not to do so for many reasons mostly because of the progressive negative consequences. My continued success in long term substantive recovery has come with a daily grind, taking action steps to maintain my choice to not drink. With all due respect, this has been my experience. This was my message to the folks described in this thread. And I still can't decide if I should make amends for my P/A delivery. Will making amends serve all parties in this situation? Again, does anybody have thoughts on this?
I think "alcohol is your problem" statement varies person to person. For some that's not true because they're using alcohol to cope with something else. In essence, if they can get their depression under control they may not drink.
I actually believe alcohol is a symptom of a different problem. Most often alcohol is used to cope with something that the person would rather not face. Treating only the use does not treat the problem. While using is the immediate issue that needs addressed and is the fastest to get into treating, it should be the first step, not the only.
Hi folks, those are both interesting points, that make sense. While I still believe alcohol was not my problem. Most certainly, when I consumed it for whatever reason (reward, relax, escape, cope) it was problematic for a couple reasons first I couldn't stop once I started. Second it amplified whatever my mental state I was in before I started drinking. Which in the beginning seemed fine. But the progressive experience over time yielded more and more negative consequences. Leading me unknowingly into a state of denial. The AA big book describes this wonderfully. "If people, places, things, situations would just be, as I want them to be, my life would be grand." (Me and alcohol aren't the problem)Eventually, there came a time I pointed the finger at alcohol claiming it was the problem. Which sucked because I was in a love/hate relationship/w alcohol. I have since come to believe I was the problem. I have no illusions, I can drink. I don't have the luxury lol, my rock bottom has a trap door. I know a cold, dark, miserable death is waiting on the other side. It will always be waiting for me. But I ain't scccared!
This is true, I am currently preparing a lecture on compulsive behaviors.