Support needed. Definitely looking for Female support. I am currently

Support needed. Definitely looking for Female support. I am currently detoxing off of meth and heroin. I am moving into day 3 of opiate/opioid withdrawal. I am doing this alone, at home. I have pushed people away, hurt them, or am too ashamed to admit that I keep messing up. I have a 12mg Suboxone strip I got on the street but am afraid to cut it up and start dosing.
Day 1 and 2 of detox I did use meth which I also have no intent to continue. I am worried If I feel an opiate high it will be over for me and I will be looking to pick up again.
Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the maintenance team at an IOP I have attended for a couple of weeks. I planned to get back on vivatrol but I would need more clean time and would not be able to use the subs during my detox if I chose.
I also need this crutch ASAP. I need maintenance help while I figure out recovery.
I don't like the idea of Suboxone as a maintenance program because it is a form of opiate and I have watched so many people trade them, and abuse the system of it to get high. Some people do use them to get high, and even spend years on it and never actually heal or learn to live without an opiate chemical in their body.
Sublocade, the Suboxone shot, is pretty new. I first heard about it at a detox center 2 months ago. I would definitely consider that. 1 monthly shot would be ideal, which I liked about the vivatrol.
I am hoping Sublocade shot is an option of maintenance at this facility.

I guess I'm done ranting or whatever. I just need some genuine sober support because I sonf have much at the moment and am too embarrassed to attend NA yet.
I'm a little needy right now and don't have a lot to give in return, I'm sorry.
Thank you :heavy_heart_exclamation:

We're here for you Rebecca.

What does the maintenance team at an IOP do? Could you notify them you're detoxing on your own? That's not safe.