Struggling with my past tonight. Last week I told my wife how bad my drinking was and she didn't take it well. (I don't blame her) we had counseling tonight and she said she wished she had kicked me out when I got my dui. It hurts to hear that. I didn't want to share with her then cause I thought she was texting other men... I'm beginning to see that my alcoholism made me paranoid, still does. How do you turn that off or reset that switch? I know this takes time, but damn watching this slow motion car crash that is my present is tough.
Bryan, it's great that you admitted tgat you had a drinking problem, Step 1 of AA. I always liked tge idea of writing down how you feel; it's the next best thing of speaking to someone (not that you should stop talking). I would also try to get lost in a hobby or a book.
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I'm not saying alcoholism didn't make you paranoid but is it possible trust issues were around before hand? Have you also tried individual therapy? This helped me understand alot about myself… I had to unpack alot if childhood history among other things. Definitely not fun but it changed my life for the better!
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I have a counselor. But I'm beginning to think I need someone better. She means well but I don't think its helping.
I hear that people say it took a few people to get to the therapist they clicked with. If that's how you're feeling you may be right. Sorry it's been rough 
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Thanks. I need to look for someone better, but I feel like I'm disappointing people when I tell them bad news.. It's been an underlying issue of mine. I need to rip off the bandaid and find someone new.
Bryan, if you think you need a new therapist go for it.
Don't be hard on yourself for being honest about who you are/were. We need more people like that. It takes guts to admit downfalls. I'm proud of you for that.
Don't give up on your wife. Don't give up on your marriage.
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It's 10 miles into the woods and 10 miles back out.
Just concentrate on changing you while building sobriety time and everything will fall into place. You will begin to change and it will show.
Remember: Though our decision to stop was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg 64
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