87 days and my marriage is worse now that I’m sober. will this get better or have I woke up and realized how dysfunctional we truly are together?
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It’s been bad the last 5 years. Brushing things under the rug and never addressing the issues. He has never been much of a talker about feelings and now that’s all I want him to do so we can get some resolution of things because I can’t just brush things under the rug anymore. The silence and tension is driving me crazy
He feels like I’m the one who chose to get sober so why should he have to work at making changes too. I sure didn’t stay sober by myself. Learning about his codependency is making him even more mad and unwilling for change. He’s very defensive as well as takes everything so personally even in normal conversation. He always on the defense. I know I can’t continue to go through this much longer or I’ll end up drinking the wall I’m up against.
Try a different approach. Don’t look for blame that doesn’t help anything. What is the resolution in your mind?
That is frustrating. Have you considered couples counseling? Sometimes it’s better to start with with some unbiased perspective present. If he starts to feel safe enough that may encourage him to start opening up. Right now he sounds pretty resistant. But give him the right environment and...? Idk? Worth a shot?
Hi Kristi, Thom and Lauren have offered some sound advice. Something I have learned is I can't change anybody. I have to make personal adjustments in relationships if I want more desirable outcomes. If after I do what I can do, and am still having negative outcomes then I make a decision if it serves me/my recovery to continue to pursue the relationship. And the can be very tough. I understand where you are coming from, I myself had to let go of a few people I cared about. I hope things become more clear for you. Have nice day! 
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