so i matched with this girl on tinder. had a good conversation, seemed to connect. she then mentions shes taking a load off with a 'tallboy'. i then tell her i dont drink and most likely will never drink again (grandpa dad mom all had issues with alc)
her response to this is that we probably wont get along. i say thats unfortunate and she says yea shes not looking for sexual/romantic relationship with someone who doesnt drink. i think wow, how fucking lame. like really? u need to be inebriated in order to experience romance or intimacy??!? thats so sad to me. i guess i sort of was the same way at one point so i empathize and dont blame her. relationshipz can be hard and for some people drinking seems to make them a little easier. personally i dont believe rhats true. i think alcohol will always be detrimental towards human relationshops and its absolutely better to avoid it all together.
after being slighty annoyed i realized hey, shes prolly not the one for me, and actually was grateful she revealed that to me cos thats lame af haha. moral of the story; dont lower ur standards for other people. although i do feel lonely and am deeply craving intimacy with someone, id rather not take my chances with someone who feels the need to drink. thanks for reading and stay strong! 
Yeah sober dating can be hard. The alternative is even harder though, going back out.
I feel that… it seems like I tell people I'm sober and they are like Good for you, congrats.. then cricket. Been on my own for a while now. It's not easy but I always say single is better than a bad relationship.
so true. would rather stick it out and build something new
right!!!! people dont even bat an eye. i feel u. been single for a while too. just cant deal with bullshit anymore i need someone who has there emotions in check; 99% of drinkers do not
Agreed.
Seek like minded capacity and capability Partners who Partners who are working towards the same thing that you are who have overcome and has stability remember nothing major for the first year
I can completely relate, I’ve been single ever since I started getting sober in January. I’ve had a few relapses since then which is why I’m only 30 days sober today. It’s especially hard for me because I’m only 20, a lot of people my age won’t date me because I’m sober. It feels very lonely and I crave intimacy so badly.
I can't blame you She very lame , I've been feeling the same way lonely feeling truly does suck I've been single for 3yrs know I'm still looking for the right guy. Ny point is your fine someone special when it's time.
hey, first off, congrats on 20 days. thats a HUGE step in establishing a good habit that could benefit u for the rest of ur life. its tough, it really is. however if we can push through and continue to advocate for ourselves and how we truly feel, we will only become tougher ourselves and more able to withstand the sometimes very intense feelings of life.. hang in there chloe, and reach out when u need to! im always around 
awww denise im sorry to hear! hang in there, no expectations, try stay in moment and have gratitude for the beautiful awesome life uve been given! emit those as much as u can and im sure the right guy will show up in no time 
That is good shit I having to deal with loanlyness being sober me number 1 priority good luck
I agree with you on that… Being single is better than a bad relationship that won't even get anywhere
Yep. Stay true to yourself.
People find weird reasons to break up. The guy I dated at 16 broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex. Then, dumped his next girlfriend after they had sex. 
u too brother, stay strong💪
its funny how much we define ourselves through our perceived notions of what other people may thinj of us. at a certain point i realized i have and everyone has inherent beauty in them, we actually are beauty itself. no drugs, alcohol or anything of sorts is needed to be beautiful and wholesome. we already are, and thats the foundation for healthy living
Man I get that so much! For any age I guess, but i feel like i see that a lot more for younger people, especially around like 21-26 yr olds. When i was dating lots of ppl were like that and for abit i was the same way. Very important to keep you morals and values in check especially when we are in a vulnerable place. Its hard to do that sometimes so thats really good!! I know for me im very thankful that my mans is straighedge. You dont need someone to be straightedge, as long as they respect you and your recovery, but it makes me feel a lot better then someone who isnt sober jaja.
I'm curious to know how much sober time that you have? Relationships are a very controversial subject in recovery. We don't have to stay out of relationships forever but it is a good idea to stay out of them in the beginning. My sponsor back in 2003 encourage me to stay out of relationships for the time being until I learned about myself. Up until that time I never even lived in a place of my own by myself for any significant period of time. I thought I knew me but I really didn't. Besides getting into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and learning how to live life one day at a time without picking up a drink I also became very active in other areas of life. I started taking some classes on things such as money-matters and relationships.
Many people come into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and even though they are not willing to admit it they are co-dependent. I stayed out of relationships for 13 years before someone came my way that really grabbed my attention. Today she is my wife. But we dated for two and a half years online before we even met in person. We met a year later and then less than three months her and her two kids(now 21,22) were on their way to America.
I don't think I could ask for a better wife than her.
I spent a lot of time reading books and learning what real love is supposed to be about and I discovered that real love is not something that you necessarily feel all the time. Real Love is in fact a decision that you make and it is not based on how somebody looks or feels. And it certainly isn't anything that you can truly feel if you are adding alcohol into the equation. That's just living a big lie and depriving yourself of the way God had originally intended it to be. The only way to truly understand that is to give up the alcohol entirely.
I was led to a particular Church after my first year of sobriety and one of the first seminars that I went to was at my church. It happened over three nights.
- Dating for marriage
- Raising kids through marriage
- Relighting the spark in your marriage. I also took a class on personal money management. I went to see someone about my credit score and started taking action on building a better credit score. There are hobbies that you can take up. There are places that you can go to. Myself, I took Flight Training and acquired my private pilot license. There are many things that we can do in our new life of sobriety. Sometimes we accidentally meet the person that is right for us by getting active an active in other areas of life and not deliberately looking for someone.
It amazes me how many people can't be themselves unless drinking. I'd rather someone be themselves without it.