Similar to others I feel like my sobriety is killing my dating life. Any tips for young people dating sober? It’s not easy!
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Hi Chris. Good question. Don't date anyone who's not sober. No if, ands, nor buts about it.
Be honest about your sobriety up front. Don't go to places that are triggers.
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I tend to disagree. I have dated 'normies' in my sobriety...the guys who could take or leave a drink. I don't limit myself to only dating people who are sober. That being said, I obviously wouldn't be comfortable dating a problem drinker. It's for each individual to decide 
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Think about it like this, if a girl enjoys partying, why would she want to be with you on a long term basis, if you are sober. If you are with a party goer, can you really stay sober. Answer could be , have an occasional drink, but could that really be an occasional drink?
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Having said that we could people using dating apps or through hobbies. That's what I am trying. I went from super active dating to zilch. To me, my well being is important. I want to love myself (which I don't, when I am drunk) and share it with others
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Early on, sobriety may hinder your dating life. But hang in there because it will improve your love life.
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It’s all about perspective! Maybe your sobriety is helping you weed out people who suck lol
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Always put your sobriety first, and the rest will follow. If you compromise your sobriety the outcome could be bad. If you haven't been sober long enough to feel solid in your sobriety then it's too early. They say get at least a year under your belt. And if you feel you are ready, think of social gatherings that don't involve drinking. Better for you, and you are more likely to be around the type of people who would be healthy for you.
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It isn't easy when older either. This online dating bullshit is confusing.
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That has not been my experience. After 32 years I am still alone.
Same here, Greg. I've been single for several years. Finding someone around here who isn't on some sort of substance is damn near impossible. With that being said, I may be single and alone, but I'm not lonely. As of now, being single for an extended period of time seems like an inevitable part of sobriety for me. So be it.
I completely agree with you about not dating someone who uses. For me though, going places where people drink isn't a trigger for me. My mind is made up, I am not going to drink. However, I know that since I don't drink, me being social in that setting isn't happening. There's no point in me even being there!
I don't limit myself to dating sober folks, but what I will say is that my tolerance for all the nonsense and red flags is a lot lower now; I actually have standards and boundaries these days! Unfortunately a lot of normies who don't drink don't get that. That being said, I've noticed sober folks tend to be more honest, accountable, and are about more than just hooking up or always looking for the next best thing. At nearly 2 years sober, I don't really date a lot, but I'm ok with that because I'd rather be alone than with someone who tests my serenity; I worked too hard for it! To each his own, but that's my experience.
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Being alone for the last dozen years, loneliness has crept in. I have not gone on a date, hell I don't even know how to date anymore. Getting old doesn't help much either. I have not given up but I don't hold much hope in finding someone to share the waning years of life.
I hear ya. And it's funny, I feel exactly the same way about tolerance, red flags, etc. Almost sounds as though I wrote your comment myself!
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I understand what you mean, Greg. I've spent the better part of my 30's single, just raising my kids. I'm fortunate that my kids live with me and keep me busy, so being single has actually been easier. But I do wonder sometimes how I'll feel about it after my kids finish school and move out. Because I imagine that even once I have more free time, it will still be just as hard to run across like minded sober people. With all of that being said, I'd rather be single and sober than out drinking with girls sitting on my lap. I do hope to find a sober partner one day. We shall see....
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Now being in my 60's it is getting harder. Beginning to think that my motorcycle is my significant other, I spend a hell of a lot of time with her. She is sober, I pour non-oxygenated gas in her tank, but damn she is loud and moody.
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Trying to find someone to date is definitely difficult- especially someone who's sober. I'm struggling with that right now. I hope I find that special someone who is right for me.
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Same here. I don't go places/hang out where alcohol will be the main focus.
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It's definitely up to you to decide how comfortable/uncomfortable you feel dating someone who's not sober, but at the very least try to find someone who's capable of enjoying your company without alcohol or drugs. When I look back on my dating history, prior to sobriety, I can't recall very many moments with a significant other that did not involve alcohol. Even just staying home watching movies involved alcohol. Everything. Have you seen that quote online that says something like, "Be with someone who makes you forget to look at your phone?" Well, take it further and be with someone you genuinely enjoy, and who genuinely enjoys you, totally sober. You would have endless things you could do together, and if the other person ever wants to go "out," that person can go with friends. It doesn't have to be something you two do together. If you ever felt the need to set boundaries for your partner's drinking/smoking, that's a conversation you two could have.