"Is he not under the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction from life if he only MANAGES well?"
The reading in How It Works after the steps hit me hard, because it addresses the root cause of my disease- self-centeredness, I was still the center of my own world. The idea that something or someone else was going to start calling the shots was offensive. After, all, in previous attempts at sobriety I was unkowingly under the delusion that if sober, it would be all the easier to satisfy my desires. But, the more I tried to fill the hole, the emptier I was. I would continue to relapse, for years, because all my desires were essentially based on fear. I was in collision with others and situations to meet my own selfish ends, never considering how it effected them...the end result me placing myself in a position to be hurt.
Until I was finally convinced through complete defeat, suffering time and again that my way did not work, I could never get into the solution and tap into a Power greater than myself.
It just simply is not about me anymore and my little plans and designs, and so I do not experience as much fear or anxiety. I am no longer a helpless victim. I can get out of my own way, with Help.
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