Relapsed once again. Why do I keep doing this...i need sobriety for me and my son. He deserves a good life with a clean and sober mama. So Im back on day 1.
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I had an awaking to what I was doing. When I had my kids I was basically forced into believing my feelings don’t matter anymore, I need to put my shit on the back burner for them. When I walked out of jail I realized that me doing that isn’t fair to their future selves. They never need to believe their emotions get put aside for anything, and neither do ours. We need to put ourselves right next to them instead of pushing it away and teaching them to do the same. I’m on day 4 today, and while I’m still struggling I know now that I want to learn how to cope so that they can learn how to cope.
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It takes what it takes for us to come to terms with our addition. I had enough and I seeked out the only left..AA, NA. I tried everything else prior and it just didn't work cause I was doing things on my own once I left the groups.. I need something deeper..I realized it was the spiritual program. Let me know if I can assist at all in anyway.
Its okay it takes time dont dwell