Really been struggling lately

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#1

Really been struggling lately and have drank several times in the last week. Same story - drink more than I want to, stay up too late, and then try to act like I don’t feel badly the next day while dealing with the hang over and devastation I feel inside.

Previously had asked my husband not to buy a lot of alcoholic beverages which he obliged (he doesn’t have issues with drinking). Have no Asked my husband for us to not have alcohol in the house at all. He responded by saying ‘that may not work for him’ and he ‘doesn’t want to resent me for making him do that’. Obviously super hurtful and stunned by his answers. Anyone have experience with unsupportive spouses? He previously had said ‘this is my issue that I need to figure out on my own’ and while I don’t disagree with that, the lack of compassion is crushing.

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#2

This could be your answer, if you let it, things can turn around fast or slow, people can help or hender, if it feels good it can cause problems, its how you handle it.

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#3

I can't relate to this scenario. But I agree your husband should be supportive to you during this time. The only thing I can think of that would help this issue is marital counseling to figure out why you guys can't come to a mutual ground.

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#5

I realize it sound like a long shot, could get him go to at least one alone meeting.
Maybe if he heard from others just how deviating the situation is for you. He might commit to have a little more compassion

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#6

Alon meeting

#7

If truly it’s just a couple times a week you can suck this up and beat this! He’s right it’s your problem, but unless it’s daily then your not in a bad place to improve from! pour it out and see what happens lol! That will show him your serious! I agree counseling is super valuable anytime!

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#8

Al-anon for him and couples therapy.

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#10

Yes I can relate. Fortunately I went through a 30 day treatment program. This gave me a taste of sobriety and I knew I wanted more. There was always wine in the fridge. She never stopped drinking. One day a week in treatment we had family counseling day. When getting back from lunch she wasn’t allowed In due to during with drinking. It only continued to get worse.
So you get the idea!!
Right now the only thing you need to be concerned about is YOU! I understand it is not easy to do but if your drinking your not good to yourself or anyone around you.
Some days it was an hour at a time or even a minute at a time. Some days when the urge got to strong I would go to bed no matter what time of day and sleep. Normally I would feel better when I got up. Focus on yourself!! Your husband has his own issues. This is for you.
My first child was 13 weeks old when I got home from treatment.
Wanting to be there for her as she grew up helped me a lot.
Stay close to your sponsee and friends
Go to as many meetings as you feel necessary a day.
Pen to paper
Turn it all over to a power greater than yourself
Read the big book
Bottom Line is
DONN’T DRINK!!!
I’ll pray for you!!:heart:

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#11

Recovery is being selfish. This may be were you put priorities in order.

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#12

Thanks so much for this Chris!

#13

Just wanted to say I was an alcoholic and a drug addict when I quit 26 years ago there was still booze in the house all the time but I decided that was it so dig deep and remember your mind is stronger than you think it is once you get it in your mind that you're not going to do it anymore it won't be so hard to stay sober but you have to do it for yourself and nobody else because if you're not ready to get sober you won't just be strong and take it minute by minute hour by hour day by day week my week and soon you'll get to the point where you just don't want it anymore but you're always be in recovery but just cuz you slip up don't give up get back on the wagon and show them who's in control

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#14

From one mother to another happy mother's Day let's make it a sober day you can do it !¡!

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#15

I am sorry you are going through hard time.i don't have any aloochol in my house.

#16

Sorry sorry you are through this Your husband should be more supportive. I’m new here but your message made me really how thanks can be really

#17

Someone in the house with an addiction problem is a serious problem. It is serious enough to warrant that all the other members of the household refrain from bringing alcoholic beverages into the house. Anyone who is not able to live up to those standards more than likely has a problem themselves. It's pretty challenging for anyone to stay sober in an environment where there's going to be drinking going on. Your best bet is to find a sober place to stay if at all possible until you can get some sobriety time under your belt and some stability in your life. I'm sorry that your husband is not giving you the support you need. Understand that this is not uncommon in today's world. There are many people out there with drinking problems but most will not admit that they have one.

Having said that, Just as you do not want your husband trying to convince you to have a drink, your husband doesn’t want you to convince him to stop. You can’t force someone to change if they aren’t ready. This will only lead to fights, resentment, and an unhealthy relationship. From the beginning, if you choose to stay, understand that if your husband has stated that he wants to continue drinking, it is unrealistic to expect him to just up and change his mind.
Everyone evolves and changes at different speeds. After seeing the positive change in your life from becoming sober, your husband may, down the road, decide sobriety is the right decision for him as well.

I was married from 1986 to 1993. I was in a few treatment centers back then. I remember when I got out of a 3-week program and came home I confronted my wife. I told her that I was really sorry and I know it seems crazy because I just got out of a 3-week treatment program but I really needed to pick up a drink. Her response was, "Thankyou. I need a drink too." I remember when I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and asked her to go with me. She went with me all right. But that was the last time she ever went to a meeting with me. I guess it must have scared her.

This is your life you could be talking about. Do whatever it takes to get sober and to stay sober. Things could be a little bit crazy for awhile so don't be too surprised.

(Just my view is all)

#20

Yassss! Struggle is real! My husband drinks to get drunk. I have been sober for over a year, but it doesn't get any easier. We have children together, so it makes it 10 times harder. At first, he was supportive. Now, he gets upset when I go to meetings, reach out to other sober people. There is always alcohol in the house. Every f'ing day he drinks! It's fight after fight while he's drunk so I just don't talk to him when he is acting that way. :triumph: My sis passed away a couple months back due to overdosing on alcohol and drugs. My sobriety is my priority. If you ever want to talk, just reach out! :heart:

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#21

Yes.. I’m in a similar situation... but matter if the fact is we can change other people.. but I understand the difficulties of living with someone who keeps drinking and pretty much nightly, despite knowing their wife is struggling. He doesn’t actually want me to stop... he just says “listen to me and you’ll be fine” which is no hard liquor, only light beers/seltzer’s. And I can actually control myself under those beverages but then I get this wild hair up my ass thinking I can have some vodka/wine/ or champagne and boom disaster zone. I feel conflicted and not supported at all. Making this very tough because I actually think about leaving sometimes but not sure what I’d do to support myself. I just keep praying and trying to keep faith that God will do what needs to be done to get me where I should be. I have 11 years sober from hard drugs but can’t seem to get this right... socially acceptable I suppose.

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