Ohh well fuck.. I’ve had a dozen “signs” in the last 48 hours.. this random notification just popped up while I’m balling after just telling my mom that I’ve been using since my best friend of 24 years passed away in March. Flooded with emotions, SO FUCKIN MANY EMOTIONS. I hate it. I don’t want to use drugs as a crutch, for one, it NEVER works!! I mean, I’ve cried everyday for nearly two weeks!! Why am I like this?? It doesn’t even feel like it’s about the drugs, I hate that whole scene and I don’t live it at all. It feels like my emotions and hurt is festering, I can hardly focus, but I can’t stop thinking at the same time. Man… I’m fucking going thru it..
I can’t believe I’m saying this here..
fml
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You're so brave- nobody in my family knows. I'm sorry your hurting so bad. 
sending you love and healing vibes!
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I am glad you posted here. Don't worry about haw you feel about posting this. It is important to get it out and reach for help. I am sorry you are going through this right now. Have you considered talking to a grief counselor?
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Holly, Thank you for sharing your struggles. My condolences on the loss of your friend of 24 years. I don’t know how that would feel other then then loosing a family member. You’re on the right path. Reaching out for help is the best thing to do. We need to seek help from a program, I believe in AA, or NA as I do both. It appears you also may need a therapist as you are going through trauma. When we use, we are trying to hide the feelings associated with the trauma we have had in the past or current times. I wish you the best. Keep coming back. Get a sponsor. Work the program. It really works when we do the steps and help others…
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Just sharing on here is a positive step. Hugs
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Hang in there, you’re doing great !!
It’s hard to see it when you’re going through stuff, but it seems like you are processing things sober and letting it out and communicating how you feel is an amazing thing. It’s ok to not be ok. Just find the right support and seek help when you need it. Hang in there you’re an amazing person.
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Thank you all for the support. I do think it’s a good idea for me to get into therapy. I didn’t mention my bf died of an overdose, and so did my dad and another man who was a father figure to me, all dead from drugs. It’s a really weird feeling to use when I’ve seen it’s impact..
Reach out whenever u need 
You are good here. Post anything u need to. I’m so sorry ur going through this. I completely understand. I’m still working on getting through each day.
Relax breathe talk