Not sure how much longer I can hold on. Thought I was ok, but I'm not. The 3-4 good days of 21 is not making it; it's losing.
Did you drink?
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Nah. Just putting off the inevitable I think. My recovery from addiction is just a part. Took me a long time to figure this out, but mental illness is as much a part if not moreso than the addiction itself. I just can't get past this shitty impending feeling of nothingness.
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I'm so sorry you feel like that.. 
message me if you wanna talk about it. I've definitely felt this way most of my life up until my late 20s about. Talk therapy helped me alot with that and it helped me to quit pills … it wasn't until about 50 days ago that I quit drinking thought I could handle it but it got worse and worse. It's been a rough 50 days more than I ever expected emotionally but it does get better and my moods have been coming around. I'm doing alot of talking with a friend that can relate and it helps alot also eventually I think I'll be going to therapy again. Do you have a friend or therapist to talk to or go to meetings?
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Hey Ron, how are you feeling today? Send me a message if you need to talk. Also, I noticed your comment about nothingness and I thought you might appreciate this short YouTube video: https://youtu.be/ivurmn3hnwc It's an audio clip about nothingness from an Alan Watts lecture.
Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Nisargadatta Maharaj, and a few others helped me understand nothingness better and now my life is peaceful. Their books, lectures, and videos might be helpful for you too. Hang in there and keep making progress, bro. Blessings. 
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Quit thinking of a relapse as the inevitable. Start saying it is a maybe. The power to succeed and fail is in your mouth. What you say is eventually what you believe.
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Therapy no, meetings yes. Just can't seem to get a handle on this constant feeling. I've been dealing with it since my mid teens and I'm now certain it's gotten to a tipping point.
I appreciate it Kevin. One day at a time indeed.
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I hear ya Steve. But a relapse isn't my main concern.
It never really should be
ultimately we’re all doing this for ourselves. But is there something or somebody you’re also trying to clean up for? Think of that as a reminder you're on the right path.
I'm trying to make it through the day without obliterating my existence, to be frank.
Hey Ron, if you're having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The phone number is 1-800-273-8255. Support is available 24/7. Plus, it's free and confidential. Stick around, brother. There's help and hope for you, even when your brain tells you there isn’t. Blessings.
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