Non-Sober Relationships

Recovery
#1

Do you connect/hang out with non-sober family? Do you have non-sober friends? Why or why not? No debate. I just like to hear people reasoning. I think it helps us understand each other.

I have 1 friend who drinks. I prefer not to have friends who drink because I feel there's so much pressure in drinking culture. It's like people don't respect it when we tell them we don't drink. I hate the sales pitch of drinking. I hate being on edge because I don't know what's going to happen next when someone chooses to drink.

4 Likes
#2

If they know what you are going through and won’t respect you and not drink around you. Well they probably aren’t very good friends. I have 2 friends from high school that drink but they will not around me. It’s called respect! If it bothers you then you probably should not be there. And always have a exit plan. Hope that helps a little. I’m Bob and I’m a alcoholic.

2 Likes
#3

I do have people in my life that drink but not out of control wild like i was. Myself I just cant be around people and or watching them progress into a drunken stupor. I also have boundaries with some, I also have an out(drive myself) or a time limit. I can’t eliminate every single person on this planet cause they drink, that is tooooo lonely and boring. Its my problem not theres so they have to accept my stance. To me its no different than me having a friend who is Type 2 diabetic and getting pissed at him for not eating half the cake while washing it down with a 100oz of Mt Dew.

#4

yes i have several friends that drink or smoke weed but I don't think they are addicts and they manage their lives. I don't hang around them as much as my friends in recovery now because I want to associate with people who are going where I want to go instead of hanging where I been

1 Like
#5

I am a chef. 26 years in my profession. Most everyone I know drink. And that’s their choice. Everyone knows I don’t anymore. And they all know why. Nobody has ever pressured me to drink. Quite the opposite. They all congratulate me. I spend time with them when I can.

My dad and my brother drink beers but they’re normies. They don’t drink around me.

1 Like
#6

I don't care if they choose to drink. I don't like the attempt of "selling" me a drink when I tell them I don't. After the second time I stopped hanging out. I love them. I respect them. I respect my choice even more.

2 Likes
#7

The last statement resonates with me...we should hang with people that are in the position of where we're heading spiritually, physically...I love it.

1 Like
#8

I'm glad you have people who respect your choice and congratulate you. :confetti_ball:

1 Like
#9

About 7 years ago I quit drinking for 40 days and my husband said he was proud of me and supported me, he seemed to drink more and would ask me to mix his drinks!!! Then when I quit another time for 16 months he hardly drank and usually not around me, my kids asked on holidays if it was ok if they could have a few, and right now he is on the couch drinking a drink he made and smoking pot which I don't do. No e of my friends have issues meaning they can have 1 or 2 and stop which I never can. They have never pressured me or asked if I wanted a drink. I'm also a little older than most of my friends. I guess it depends

#10

Good evening Amanda! Great question! As of right now I have one friend who drinks. He doesn’t drink around me. He knows all about my sobriety and addiction as he is my best friend. He Respects my sobriety. I don’t push my sobriety on him either. Well verbally anyway. I’m sure it’s in his mind somewhat as he sees the good that’s happening all around me. I do hope that someday he’ll give it up. After all he could be a normie…
As for new friendships I’ve made 99% of them are in sobriety. It’s the only way I would have it as I don’t want triggers. Plus it’s nice to have people with the similar struggles to help and get help from.
Thank you for your share and question.

#11

I have non-sober friends, but will only be around them when alcohol is not involved. I just don’t trust myself and don’t want to put myself into a risky predicament.

#12

My family are all normal
drinkers.l have been treated poorly around drinkers .I usually have to keep my guard up.

#13

I only hang out with people who drink/smoke pot if they are willing to respect me and my recovery. I have a large group of friends that nearly all drink at parties and they watch out for me to make sure I don’t accidentally eat or drink something I shouldn’t. I consider them true friends for that! The Big Book says if we are spiritually fit we need not hide from life. But if I’m struggling or not in a good mind frame I will stay away.