My sobriety cost me my marriage.
My husband and I quit drinking together. My idea. No program. Needed to happen.
Since it wasn't his idea, he eventually fell into depression. He wanted to start again. We fought. He started again and hid it from me. I knew he was hiding it, but was trying to be patient. Dealing with some personal challenges of my own, when he came home very drunk one night, I left.
We had a couple weeks of back and forth, but he made it clear he wasn't going to stop drinking and I was afraid.
I wasn't coping with my own anxiety well anyway and couldn't cope with him drinking again on top of it. Sure, we had a lot of fun drinking together, but there was a lot of scary stuff, too. He wasn't fully to blame, but things got to a volatile level more than once and I didn't want to live through that again.
So we decided in September to officially separate. We went no contact for months, which wasn't what I wanted but thought he did. We finally talked this week and he has fully moved on. Seeing someone else, planning to move within the next few months. Our divorce isn't final and I told him I wasn't going to file. That I still love him and want our marriage to work. But now I fear he's really gone. And now I'm left to cope with divorce, one of the most stressful, hurtful life events one can go through, sober.
I've never dated sober. I've never lived alone sober. I have my own place but have been staying with my family so I don't give up on my sobriety because I'm afraid that if I force myself to go back to the home we shared by myself, I will soon give up my sobriety. Or just not be able to cope with the misery of my emotions fully alone.
This is scary. And so hurtful. Letting go feels like I'm losing one of the most important people in my life. But I have to put me first and stay sober and get healthy. I have shame over needing to stay with my family and feeling like none of my old friends understand and losing some of them in the process. But I know I'm supported with my family and though I feel like I'm losing independence, I know this is probably the most supportive environment for me to get healthy in.
All advice is welcome. Encouragement, too! Helps to just write it out. Thank you all for being here. 
. You are smart and strong to stay where you know you have support. You are believing in yourself and making the right decision no matter how hard now. I'm very sorry for what you must be feeling. Stay strong 
!