Making New Friends in Sobriety (Off & Online)

Recovery
#1

Okay so everyone knows making friends as an adult is hard enough, but making friends as a sober adult is a whole. new. animal. :dog:

I’ve been in recovery for a few years now, but I still tend to deal with some social anxiety when it comes to putting myself out there to meet new people.

For me, what’s been really useful is to remind myself that anxiety and excitement are VERY similar sensations. So, when I start feeling anxious about going to a new meeting or talking with a new sober person, or even being on a sober panel, I try and redirect that energy in a more positive way.

Anyways, what have you guys found to be helpful when it comes to making new connections after getting sober - now that booze and bars are off the table (thankfully!)?

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#2

Great topic! Okay, firstly I am NOT saying that I have anything “mastered” by any means. The only thing that I've done 100% right today is that I didn't get loaded. In meetings, whether I'm speaking in front of the group, introducing myself for the first time to someone new, or sharing from the floor, I constantly have to remind myself that I'm not unique, that I'm amongst fellow recovering people and that to speak from my heart and not my crazy head. :upside_down_face::money_mouth_face:

On these forums I try to share my experience and NOT give advice. That's VERY important. In sharing advice I might sound like a "know it all." Oh in ALL situations to try and practice humility too! That's very important for me. I always find it really refreshing to meet someone who is humble. I remember meeting Bob B. in Los Angeles years ago. Bob B was a recovering addict that has a personal story ("The Only NA Meeting In The world) printed in the back of the NA Basic Text. He also had 40 years clean at that particular time. After he left the meeting someone said, “Yeah it was cool to see Bob B here tonight…” And me being from New York City was like, “What do mean? Bob B was here?! Tonight??” They were like, “Yeah he was sitting just a row away from you…”

I know that I've rambled a bit. I hope that I've added something to your topic. I'm sure someone else will write something good.

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#3

Just wanna say that bit about anxiety and excitement being similar sensations and redirecting that in a positive way is pretty cool. I never thought of it that way .. I'm kinda sitting here like :exploding_head: because I literally never say I'm excited about anything I always say I'm nervous or anxious. I wonder how often I can maybe retrain my brain to recognize certain times as excitement instead. I'm excited to start putting this into practice.

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#4

Hey John! You added something VERY good. Namely, you reminded me how great of a quality humility is. I notice that when I surround myself with people who are secure with themselves, but not cocky or arrogant, I bring that same energy!

#5

I love that you used “excited” at the end of your post! It still takes me daily practice because my brain be like, “nah girl you anxious stop playing” :joy: it’s all about that conscious reframing

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#6

:joy:

Yesss i feel like it gets easier in time but still needs to be worked on and practiced.

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