Looking for a sponsor.. relapsed again for the 400th time it feels like
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You made it back. That in itself is a miracle. I'm sure my number is close to that as well. At some point in our life we have to tell yourself enough is enough! I can't do this alone. It's amazing how we will try every possible way to do it differently but it never works. I finally just said ok I will quit fighting or questioning why and just start doing what is suggested. Don't drink, go to a meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and find a home group. I just do it and my life is amazing today. I hope you find your way 
I really appreciate your encouraging words. It’s nice to know we’re not alone. I just have to stop getting down on myself because I take it out on others. It’s not helpful.
The good news is we can choose to live in the solution rather than the problem. There will be difficult times but that's where the steps and a sponsor help. Be good to yourself you're worth it
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Take it easy sam it's the weekend and weather is getting alot better. Wake up with a plan and stick to it.
If you're having problems finding a sponsor , I have only recently tried zoom. However it's like Google aa zoom you'll find a open meeting 24 /7, it's a place to share and my find someone you click with.
So my suggestion a bucket of ice cream 
and try it he'll long distance phone calls are free try a meeting anywhere.
I wish you all the hope you'll find away to relieve the demon that makes you feel your not worth a wonderful sober life.
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You can do it
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Thank you!
If you send me your email, I can send you some NA/AA resources.
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At least you didn’t give up…that’s all that matters
Thank you
Where are you located
East Bay Area in California