Last drink was Feb. 16 and I still struggle every single day.. Wonder if it will ever stop?
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My daughter feels the same as you. I call it white knuckling. May I suggest that you get some kind of support ? I recommend AA. My daughter won't go to AA or a therapist. I know AA isn't for everyone but it saved my life 25 years ago. It taught me how to live. I still take my sobriety one day at a time, even after all these years. It really does work if you work it.
The big book says there will come a day where we cease fighting anything or anyone.
Hey Lindsay. You're not alone. While not every day, I struggled more often than not in my first months. My psychiatrist told me that the reason so much emphasis is placed on 90 days because that is when the brain cravings for truly begin to go into remission. 90 in 90 is largely derived from that medical fact. It gets better. Have you tried or considered anticraving meds like acamprosate or naltrexone? The first one has real worked and continues to work for me.
I would look at the aspects of your life that account for this struggle and try to address or change them . What makes you want to drink or numb out ? It also takes time for the brain to adjust to living life without being constantly chemically altered . You are going to feel all the feels and that’s normal . Things do get easier with time , but essentially you are learning a whole new way to live and see the world .
We are facing the same struggle, you'll stop I know , just believe in yourself and keep trying hard you'll accomplish a break free soon 
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The guy who spoke of 90 days is not wrong, we have a brain chemistry for things. But even then if you're not avoiding situations that feel like triggers to you, you're going to struggle. It can be hard, especially telling other people about it. That's been my biggest struggle. But it does get better and less tempting the more open you are.
So I struggled until I got honest and worked the steps. Just because I removed the alcohol didnt mean I fixed the reasons why I drank. I still have bad days, bad weeks even, but I know how to handle them and work through them without picking up a bottle. I'm in aa and it saved me because I found people like me, realized I wasnt alone and they taught me how to deal with life on lifes terms. The best thing I ever heard is that we are terminally unique even though we're just the same as everyone else. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, and I can put you in touch with plenty of women in recovery. It gets better, day by day, hour by hour, sometimes breath by breath, but i promise it gets better...and if you drink again it only gets worse.
Another option is smartrecovery. org been around for 25 years and has a more modern approach its free!
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