Just had a baby almost 4 months ago. I’m struggling horribly with postpartum and I’m exhausted all the time. So I used again. I don’t even feel worthy enough to be his momma anymore. It’s really messing with me. He’s my first and only and really a miracle baby. I just want to be the best version of me possible for him.
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Hello Kayla! Please try and let go of the shame and guilt.. so much easier said than done, I know. The only thing you can do now is move forward. Learn from this. Recognize and remember how you don’t want to feel anymore. And most of all, give yourself permission to FORGIVE + LOVE yourself. I have been through so much as an addicted mother. My son is 15 and I am finally now almost two years clean. I devoted more time to chasing my habits than I did to my family FOR YEARS AND YEARS. But you have the power to say no more. At any time. I am here if you’d like to talk. You are more than worthy. You are human, and you are learning. 
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I would also like to say that if the postpartum depression is becoming overwhelming or unbearable, seek help. There is no shame in it and it can prevent so much heartache for you.
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Ok let's start with the slip. As long as you pick up and begin again, there is hope. You have to forgive yourself and learn what you can from it. Then move forward. As to the postpartum, you may want to talk to your doctor about it.
I’ve seen a doctor they gave me medication. But by the time I asked for help I had already been using and wasn’t completely honest with them about getting High. It’s embarrassing and if my family knew…..I don’t even know what might happen.
It is so overwhelming I’ve never in my life felt the way I do. And I get angry at him for crying. THATS WHAT BABIES DO!! I have therapy Friday and I just need to be completely honest regardless of how scared I am of what could possibly happen. I know I don’t want to be without my son. I just want to feel better so DAY ONE HERE WE GO!!
I’m praying for you!! We got this!!
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I will pray for you and your baby boy.
I'm glad you have a doctor involved, you need to be completely honest with them. I hear from people all the time from people, "if my family knew." I find that most often, their family already knew. Unless you never see them they know something is wrong. They may not know what and may be afraid to talk to you for fear of losing you if they bring up the situation. They want you better.
Your heading in the right direction just go easy on yourself and do your best to stay positive. You sound like an amazing mother and it’s great that you are working on all this now, and he’s going to know you for being sober and present and all the good stuff if you keep working on yourself. If it were easy to be the best version of yourself then humanity as a whole would already be there, regardless of being sober. Don’t beat yourself up for using just learn from it and remember what a beautiful baby you have 
My baby boy is 11 months, he’s my first. I could beat myself up all day long but when I keep it simple I realize he’s happy and healthy and I’m doing what I can to be there for him and to provide. You got this !! Stick with the people around you that support you and lift you up 
Well thanks for making me cry. Today is day one for me. I’m super tired. It my sweet boy is tucked in and asleep. And his momma is here sober not in jail or dead!
Truth! My wife and I both used alcohol to cope with the birth of our son…and the loss of two pre-term pregnancies. It can definitely feel like being inundated in grief. And there is absolutely NO SHAME in seeking help!
Truth! My wife and I both used alcohol to cope with the birth of our son…and the loss of two pre-term pregnancies. It can definitely feel like being inundated in grief. And you’re right…there is absolutely NO SHAME in seeking help!