I'm up and I have work that's 45 minutes away at 8:30 am. I'm on blow and alcohol. Chain smoking. I'm lonely it hurts. I'm down to literally 10 bucks from spending everything on blow. Just reported my abusive ex. In danger of being retaliated. Losing friends because they're overwhelmed and scared of getting hurt by him too. My sister died last year. I'm hurting. I'm scared. I'm lonely so so lonely. And anytime I'm stressed I go get blow. I'm tired. I need help. I self sabotage. It hurts.
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Find a meeting, ask for help, and accept help.
I am very sorry for your loss. Maybe consider rehab. They will have resources that can help with all that. There are resources all around you. But you have to reach out. Contact your local CMH (community mental health) you can find this resource in your area. Just search your county.gov they can help you wth substance use resources. I can tell you this, nobody is going to walk up and hand you recovery or a better life. But the resources are there, if you choose to pursue these things. You can also go to the local hospital and tell them you need detox. While there they will hook you up with a case manager. Hope this helps. 
At the bottom of your screen on this app has a option " sober help" do yourself a favor and click on that. How could it hurt?