I will end up killing myself and/or someone else

Recovery
#1

I've made so many excuses. My step-dad... what happened to me in Iraq ...loneliness ...sh*t, I've even used happiness and success as excuses to drink.

I've been on a bender, just blowing through bottle after bottle of tequila. Even drinking all day at work. I've managed to set so many beautiful things on fire with my drinking... and I can't do it anymore.

It sucks because my brain is in that post-haze depressed state that could be easily numbed by a drink.

I love life so much and have so many things to be grateful for ...and I know that if I don't stop, I will lose everything.

Hopefully they can get me in at the VA for a Vivitrol shot, soon. Thank you all for being here on this app. It helps to know I can cry out and that someone will hear me.

4 Likes
#3

Just make sure you ween yourself off of the alcohol, I was drinking /vodka daily and my body got addicted to it so when I tried to stop I almost died, FYI , I would seek medical attention or a detox center my man , and thanks for posting this, I’m glad you want to stay alive and have made that decision! Kudos and best of Luck to you! Reach out anytime

1 Like
#5

I agree with Xavier to seek medical attention. I did not as well and ended up collapsing in my apartment and needed to call 911. I also almost died on the way to the hospital. Please be safe and this community is here for you.

Please reach out directly to a suicide hot line if you are having those types of thoughts. You are right. You have a lot to live for and we are here if you need support!

1 Like
#7

Hi Lee. If you feel you're on the verge to hurt someone or yourself you need to get attention. If the VA can't treat you now please call 9-1-1, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and/or go the ER.

Know we are here for you. You are not alone in your experiences or feelings. You are worthy of peace and happiness.

1 Like
#8

Bro, hang in there. The VA now funds rehab in some places. You might talk to them about checking in to one. If you need to talk feel free to add me. I check my phone almost 24/7

#9

You did the right thing by reaching out. Sending Thoughts of strength 2u.

1 Like
#10

Hey Lee. I spent over 2 years in Iraq :iraq: and had some long nights. Still have some long nights. I’ve also made some terrible decisions and have burned a a few bridges. Glad you are on here. You aren’t alone. We are all in this struggle together. If you need to talk I will be available.

1 Like
#11

Stay strong sir, reach out to someone we are all here for you.

#12

It is my advice to get into a treatment center right away,,, in patient detox. I have been where you are several times. It has always lead to more pain and hurt. I too have lit asunder many of the blessings afforded me in this beautiful life. You will shake and it will be cold,,,, listen to the therapists though, take docrors advice. Take that step, look for a place where you can detox and start safe. Stick with it ,, and you can do it. I was at a pint where I was drinking,, no drunk 24/7 work, home, everywhere. It nearly killed me a couple times,,, please don't wake up in a hospital not knowing where you are or what day it is. I legit thought I had lost my mind. Reach out and know who you can trust. Life is to short to not do anything you can to protect yourself. I belive in you dude. Be strong, message me direct if you need to talk.