I try and write positive things. But tonight, I

Recovery
#1

I try and write positive things. But tonight, I just want to get all the negative things going on in my head. These are just my thoughts right now. Some could be right/wrong, crazy, ridiculous, improbable, just...there just my thoughts.

My wife hates me. She loves someone else. Could careless about my recovery. Avoids me because she doesn’t want to deal with my emotions (good/bad). She doesn’t wear her ring anymore. Doesn’t acknowledge me when I’m home. It’s just so painful.

Again, I have no idea what my wife actually thinks/feels. She won’t talk to me. This is just how I feel right now at this moment. I feel really alone. I had such a great week and I want to share it with her. Let her know my progress, like, a kid with a good grade from school.

I don’t want to drink. I DONT WANT TO DRINO. I don’t have the slightest urge. I just want my wife to know how much I love her.

That being said, I’m no good at getting older...

2 Likes
#2

I’m sorry to hear about everything going on with your marriag! Marital issues can take a huge toll on anyone alcoholic/addict or not! However, my one piece of advice is to keep putting your recovery first! Doing so can keep you in the mindset to deal with adversities and trying situations like your own. Keep doing the next right thing and putting your recovery first!

1 Like
#3

You dont know how much I appreciate it! :sob:

#4

I am going through a divorce myself and my wife just didn't love me anymore even though she wouldn't admit it so I left her I can't live like that. I am lost myself and my job working on the water makes it even worse because I have thoughts out here about what I want to do as soon as I get off. I am with you I get it. I wish I worked a land job so I could hit more meetings but I don't so I do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety. keep it up but not feeling loved or needed is very tough I know.

#5

It's okay not to be positive if you don't feel it! Being honest with yourself and your emotions is a great thing.

I'm really glad you don't want to drink. That is a real testament to where you are that things are getting you down but you don't pick up the bottle.

I wish I could say something more but anything I would say would sound hollow. I'm here to support you though. I have trouble with women myself, I'm not even married and sometimes I still get flabbergasted by them. I got cheated on in early recovery, in fact, and it really hurt, but as long as I don't drink over it I have to call it a win. I'm where I'm supposed to be right now even if it doesn't always feel like it, because I'm keeping my feet moving and I'm working a good program.

Thanks for sharing with us and getting vulnerable