I need some clean and sober people to talk too. i want to go back to meets but its not that easy.. It's the prison I built in my head that keeps me locked up spiritually and keeps me away from everyone positive I need in my life. i hate smoking dope.. I had 5 years clean until almost a year ago Life, picked up and lost everything, family, job, friends. I feel alone, the pain and guilt, the shame I have. I have so much hate towards my self. I try to drown myself in dope but it's not working. my heart hurts. this is not the life I belong in. I feel trapped. I need some people in my life who I can process with, I need a little bit of hope.
Asking jesus into my heart has helped me. Every morning I ask for his guidance. I'm not a bible thumper but finally realized someone other than me can help me with my struggles. It may be buddha or wicca or Judaism for someone else. But finding a good non judgemental church really helped me. Best of luck on this journey called life. It's hard but worth it. Hugs