Been through a lot these past few years. It really started to get to me when my dad passed. I don't want do be like him and die from drinking. I know I can be better but it's so hard. It doesn't help living with an another alcoholic. I wish I could move. I feel terribly, physically and mentally, all the time. I know drinking is slowly going to kill me. Why is it so hard to stop? I know I need to go back to therapy. I want to get healthy but I keep saying one more drink. Before I know it I've blacked out and can't remember the night before. I feel so pathetic and helpless. I want last night to be the last time I touch a bottle. I could really use some encouragement.
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I, too, am a child of an alcoholic. My dad was a super nice sober person. Watching him take a complete 180 drunk motivated me to never pick up a drink. I was terrified I would be like him. One experience I am glad I allowed fear to rule.
My heart hurt like crazy when my dad died. He died in a one car auto accident while intoxicated. It brought me great relief to know no one else was involved. His death not only hurts but also he died intoxicated.
Are you able to move out? In other words, what other living options do you have.
It may be difficult because you have become accustomed to a lifestyle. Get therapy. Go a meeting. Find friends at your local AA meetings. Engage with our Loosid members. Continue to ask for help.
We believe in you. You are supported. You deserve a life of sobriety. We're here to help you get that.
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Hey thanks for your kind words. I do think my lack of support is what is holding me back. I've only been on this app for less than an hour and I already feel more positive. Sorry to hear that you have been through a similar situation.
My dad's death was a slow burn. Diabetes T2 plus alcoholism. It was so hard to watch. It will almost be a year since he's been gone. I miss him like crazy. one of the worst parts is seeing how it has affected my mom. She is a sad she'll now.
I'm saving up and recovering from an injury. I think limiting contact with the alcoholic is what I'll need to do to stay strong until I can move.
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Hey Millie, like you and Amanda I lost a parent to Alcoholism as well. I was already aggressively drinking and taking pills when my mom died but once I lost her I completely lost my will to live. I had moved her down to Texas from Pennsylvania with me in an attempt to “get her sober” even though I was in active addiction. But she ended up having full on organ failure 9 months later and it was honestly the most traumatic few months of my life. After that I tried & failed at multiple suicide attempts one of which I broke my arm and leg and ended up prescribed pain meds. Once they stopped those I quickly tuned to IV heroin and was in and out of institutions. Somehow I made it out. I had to go to treatment. I had to change my environment completely I got into a state funded treatment center and was introduced to a 12 step program that changed my life. The amazing thing @millie85002 that you downloaded this app and are reaching out says a lot. If there’s a way you can separate yourself from alcohol or drugs and find a sober community- thats the first step.
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I'm glad we gave you a positive outlook. I appreciate your condolences.
I can only imagine how hard it was to watch your dad slip away from this world. I can't promise it gets easier- but you learn how to handle things. My dad didn't see me get married, my kids won't know him, my husband didn't meet him, my dad didn't have the chance to experience his only daughter get her MBA.
I have a lot of voids. I know my dad would hate he left us. I know if he was sober he wouldn't have been going 20+ MPH over the speed limit and running a stop sign. Truth be told he would have lived if he didn't run that stop sign.
I'm here for you. My dad died 9 years ago. I can help you through a lot. Hit me up whenever you want.
Hugs.
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Wow, you have been through so much! Thank you for sharing. Reading other people's struggles helps me feel less alone.
I wish you the best. Life is hard enough without addiction and loss of loved ones.
I will give it my all despite how difficult it will be. Thankfully my wonderful fiance has stuck with me. He is my rock.
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Went through the same thing . My dad died of drinking and my mom has dementia from it
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I’m so glad your fiancé can be there for you 
that’s wonderful! yes recovery is possible despite the worst circumstances.
It’s ok, to not feel ok. It’s ok to not have any or all the answers. It’s ok to need help. It’s ok to seek support from others who understand. It’s ok to be vulnerable and scared. When I started to heal and recover from my childhood I asked myself these questions is this all I have to offer the world is this all I have to offer myself? Thankfully the answer was no. I realized my life is my responsibility and I needed to hold myself accountable, and it was ultimately going to be my fault if I didn’t start making healthier decisions moving forward. Baby steps count, 2 steps forward and one step back is still moving forward. The biggest thing I realized is I needed to be gentle with myself and become my own best friend and less of my own worst enemy. I picked up a camera and put on some running shoes and soon realized an active body helps create a calmer mind. But really it all came down to giving myself permission to Get out of my own way. I had to learn to love myself and let others love me too in healthy functional ways. You can do it, it’s never going to be easy but it is worth it! I believe in you!
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I'm sorry you experienced this type of pain. Keep hanging in there. Reach out to me anytime.
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Reading all of your experiences is extremely moving. You are all tremendously strong. My dad was told he has stage 4 cirrhosis last year, and it's been difficult watching his health deteriorate. But being part of this community of beautiful human beings, determined to break cycles and write different endings, is comforting and inspiring. I wish nothing but the best for all of you! For all of us.
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I am a woman with over 30 years of recovery. I have woked with other women who have struggled for years to get sober. The one common denomenator that I found that kept the door closed was trauma experiences. As long as you are breathing it is never to late. Yes, it is painful to stop yet it sounds like it is painful to continue drinking… I believe in you.
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Love ya, Brittany. I totally want to call you Britt because you are dear to my heart and have become a great friend.
Hi, Karen. Your comment is heart-warming. Thank you for being a light that's well-needed. 
Awe, likewise! 
You can call me Britt; most people do lol
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im so sorry about your dad Brittany. I’m so glad that the community has helped you in some way to cope with it
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Thank you Karen