I keep going through the same pattern. I don’t drink for a long time and then I convince myself that this stamina proves that I don’t have a problem. Then I will reiterate this by having a few responsible drinks. But within a week or two I will suddenly drink way to much to the point of embarrassing myself or blacking out. I wake up feeling guilty and quit again.
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Good morning Robin,
I believe that when you are truly ready to put the drink down for good, that's when it will happen. You story sounds similar to mine, but when I learned to effectively deal with my past traumas and stress, medicating myself was off the table. My journey began with prayer and asking God to remove all that hinders me. I hope you have God in your life. Only God can change you into the new creature that I believe you're trying to become. You have support here. Don't beat yourself up. The best advise I can give you is to get to the root/source of drinking. Drinking is a symtom of what's going on. When I did that, putting the drink down was so much easier. I hope me sharing some of things I learned will help you.
Remember the power lies within you. All the best.
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This is so me. Not sure what you mean by a long time but I’ll go a year or two without drinking. Convince myself I don’t have a problem. Relapse hard. Blackout. Wake up not even remembering and hope I didn’t do or say something I will regret. Then have to start over. It’s a viscous cycle that I’m trying so hard to break. If you figure out why we do this please let me know.
There is a philosophy I learned, when you are considering drinking, finish the thought. It goes like this..."I think I'll go drink. But when I do the next think I know I'm drunk. Then I do stuff I regret....." follow each step until you are looking squarely at what the drink actually is. It may help you avoid the steps of the cycle.
Guilt and remorse is one way to learn lessons about limits. for me overcoming a situation was all I knew how to do and i became really good at it.it was part of my pattern and my excuse to drink again.relapsing or testing ourselves is part of changing.we have to learn what our strengths and weaknesses are.we like to learn the hard way.sometimes looking at the whole picture helps when the puzzle pieces keep getting mixed up when we focus on overcoming instead of preventing.prevention is more self care and overcoming is self preservation of our ego.
oh Robin the insanity that the big book talks about! Our disease is two fold sweetie and it is baffling and cunning!
The embarrassment we cause not only to ourselves but friends and family is hard on self esteem.
I know i did the same thing go to treatment get out sober for awhile then start thinking i can one drink thats where it starts all o er again that first drink
That’s why I’m a no fucking way guy now. I know that 1 is never ever going to be 1. So it’s gotta be none.
Don’t forget patient
Alcohol is cunning,baffling, and powerful. We as Alcoholic are weak. There is no such thing as control drinking. Alcohol always gets the best of us. So the key is not to pick up that first drink. Pick up the phone. Call your Sponsor and support group.
OmG this was my life before this last relapse. It took me being on top of the world and losing everything in mere weeks that I had built for months to accept that I am truely an addict. It’s only now that I actually believe no matter how long I’m clean I can confidently exclaim that I am an addict and an abuser! & I feel better, stronger, safer and more hopeful than I ever have before!