I had 4 years sober till this summer I lost every thing I owned and it devastated me the pain was, it seemed like at the time to much
Well the material.stuff was still gone the job, truck, place to live but so was myself respect and the trust and respect of everyone who knew me
I totally relate to what you are saying. I had almost nine years of sobriety in 2011 when I relapsed around midsummer. I made it back in 2014. I started to go on a journey in the rooms of AA to try and understand what happened to me. I came to conclusion that what happened to me was I believed the LIE. This time things would be different. I was dead wrong. It tells us in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that the idea of ever being able to safely drink again has to be smashed. We have to get it through our heads that we can never ever take another drink of alcohol safely because it will be the same result every single time. Best thing that you can do is Mark it up as a learning experience and start from the beginning. Did you stop going to meetings? Did you have a sponsor? Did you take the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous? Did you read the first hundred sixty four pages of the big book? These are all good questions.
It's a lot easier to stay sober that it is to get sober I can tell you that. I hope you can come to the same conclusion as I did. Next time you have that stinking thinking try to play the story forward you will probably come to the conclusion that it doesn't end well. It's just not worth it. You're not the first and you won't be the last so get back to the starting line and take action. I wish you the best. Feel free to contact me anytime.