I grabbed the pipe a few mins ago. Thankfully I put it down and didn't get high, but fuck.. I really want to. Like really bad.. I miss smoking weed every fucking day and it sucks. Especially when everyone around me uses it and offers it to me. Idk how long I can stay strong.. I keep trying to remind myself why I value my sobriety, but the urge always returns.. I feel so overwhelmed by the fact that I will likely always struggle with this battle and the thought of never being able to smoke again is so daunting.. idk what to do.
What motivates you to quit? My motivation was my son but after being. Single mom for 12yrs the state took him from me and in less then 2yrz adopted him out. I know i need to get clean but i dont feel like i deserve to be stable. Ive been self medicating since 13yrs starting with meth and progressing to weed, liquor anything to make me not feel
I know the moment I light up, I lose control. I can't stop at just a couple hits. I go overboard and constantly use. I wanna escape and smoking becomes all I do and think about.. but tbh since getting sober, nothing has really changed.. I still sit around binge watching and eating to numb myself. I am proud that I have made it 5 and half months but it has taken so much energy to make it just this far and it doesn't feel like I expected it to. My intention with quitting was to feel high on life naturally and I don't.. and maybe it's just because of mental illness and isolation from being quarantined for a year, but I am just feeling kinda over it and wanting to give up. I'm sorry to hear about your son, I hope he's doing ok and u can get him back. And 13? Dang. That's tough. But yeah.. I definitely can empathize with the feeling like I don't deserve to feel stable. Like it's just a matter of time before I fail so why not do it right now.. I know this is illogical thinking but my mind is just screaming at me to use and idk why. I really feel like I'm gonna do it and even having the thought of relapsing is making me feel guilty and ashamed.
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I want you to grab my pipe….
Social isolation effects our behavioral health,causing us to want to use. Does me @ least.
Dont beat yourself up over a little weed.
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