I coparent with my ex husband and obviously I broke a lot of trust with both him and the kids when in active addiction and I have gotten it back from my kids and slowly getting it back with him! What were somethings you all did to get trust back with loved ones?
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The more they see you not drinking or doing what you used to do, the stronger the foundation of trust. Think about how long you were drinking? It will take time to rebuild. It’s also helpful to let family know you’re going to recovery meetings & they are built into your schedule —I’ve found SMART mtgs very practical & helpful (diff from AA, which I used on my first round of sobriety). Also maybe take an inventory of the behaviors you showed during active addiction—and figure out how to do the opposite! Much love and encouragement to you.
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I behaved trustworthy and responsibly, mostly doing it for myself and practicing principles in all my affairs the best I could. And giving it time. Often I had won confidence and then as a consequence of self-will tore it all down again. It's easy to get things and people back, but altogether different to change my old ways of thinking and keep my sobriety first, family or no family. Good luck!
Actions not words. It took a long time. But after 26 years of sobriety, one person is still waiting for me to drink and still mad. Hasn't spoken to me in over 20 years. But you know what ? It's HER problem, not mine. I stopped apologising a long time ago and got on with my life.
Action. Stopped telling them I am sober and showed them through improved behaviors instead
I made my amends to my ex wife. I invited her into my home, sat her at the dining room table, and put it all out there. At the time we had a custody case, a child support case, and I had just gotten my 3rd CPS case closed. Contentious doesn’t begin to describe it. We had been split up for over 7 years. We communicated only via email, and we both bcc’d our lawyers on everything.
We may never be best friends, but we are now civil. We text and share pictures of our kids. I wished her happy Mother’s Day. She wished me happy Father’s Day. We can chat on FaceTime when we are talking to the kids. It’s pleasant. And I never in my wildest imagination thought it could be. Step 8 and 9 for me. Her path to sobriety was not 12 steps and that’s ok because it works for her. But she found a way to let go of our past, just as I have. And our kids are the winners in all of this.
Unfortunately, the only fix to trust is time. You have to do the right thing for a long time. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was burned in one night.
Jillian, good evening. For me I haven’t had the opportunity to talk with my ex wife as I have a restraining order against me. However, the spiritual progress I’ve made on myself has now transcended outward towards my family such as my son, my dad, grandmother and aunts. One thing I did was stopped talking about what I’m going to do in sobriety and started showing them what I am doing in sobriety. My actions now speak louder then any words I could ever speak. I have apologized to those I felt needed one ASAP and I’m willing to make amends to all I’ve hurt/harmed. I hope this finds you in good health today. AA changed my life. Treatment facility changed my life. Kasier Permanente changed my life. An the one person who may not know this yet, my ex wife, changed my life. Ultimately, putting God first in my life l, changed my life.