I cannot go more than 1 week without alcohol. I become so moody I can’t stand myself. Then I get down on myself. I need help.
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Have you tried meetings or projects when things get difficult? Both of those were my go-to, along with some sober friends to talk to.
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Welcome home. U r not alone.
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I want you to pay attention to what this says. This comes from a chapter in the Big Book of AA entitled,
"The Doctor's Opinion."
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are RESTLESS, IRRITABLE and DISCONTENTED unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity.
After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
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Now, does this sound like you?
You keep falling for the big lie thinking that you're going to somehow Solve It All This Time by picking up a drink again and it never works does it? We have to learn to play the scene all the way forward. Every time this happens, you drink you get drunk or at least you get intoxicated to one degree or another and then you wake up with lots of regret and shame and you have to carry that around until the desire to stop happens again. Then you start out and then all of a sudden here comes that desire again and you give in. And the wheel keeps going round and round and round.
The good news is, there is a solution.
I haven’t been to meetings yet. Would like to try them through here.
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Thank you. That’s why I’m here. And I will be paying more attention and mindful of the terms I use. I feel I need to learn a lot especially why I have this addiction and had it for 30 years on and off.
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What is the solution? Yes the rollercoaster! That’s why I’m here I need the help to switch my thinking patterns to learn why maybe. Idk I’m going forward and deep down like Les Brown says “ if you fall down fall on your back so you can get up again.”
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The psychic change? What is that ?
I would love to understand what my issue with this is.
There is another chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called “There is a Solution”. In a nutshell, work the 12 steps.
I don’t know the 12 steps. I’m so new to reaching out for help.
Its a great way to get out of your own head. And a sponsor! These couple of things worked miracles for me.
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The obsession to drink was lifted from me through works NH the steps, going to meetings, and working with my sponsor. Simply log on to a zoom meeting to hear what folks have to say. In person meetings ARE best but zoom can at least get you familiar with AA. I like the one called After Hours. Starts at 10 eastern. Look it up. Best wishes! 
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Next time you go to a meeting if you haven't done so already try and see if you can get yourself a sponsor and tell them that you're ready to take the 12 steps. You should also get yourself a copy of the big book and start to read it. The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are the solution. Only then will we experience an entire psychic change. That's the solution.
When you go to a meeting and they read "How it Works" try to listen carefully to what it's telling you. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. It also tells us that many of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Lots of good stuff. I thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous and sobriety is definitely the easier softer way. You may as well try it. What do you have to lose?
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It is so hard. I understand. Every minute is a challenge with the devil
Thank you so much! I will. Peace love joy and sobriety for all!
Same here o
Go to meetings get a sponsor