Husband thinks I’m a lost cause. I overdrank again and lied a bit about when I was drinking at night and now he says I’ll never change. The difference now is I was seeking help before it happened to deal with anxiety and I’ve asked him for help which I have never done before l. But he doesn’t want to hear it and now I think it’s over. I know building trust will be an issue and every aspect of us has been good but this has ruined it. I’m not sure I can get past this but I know I’ll stay sober.
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Jennifer, it sounds like you are going to have to face some hard facts. Don't feel bad, we all did/do. Put yourself in your husband's shoes; You just said you over-drank again and are lying about drinking at night. He's not going to have a chance to trust you until he can "see" the change. Just talking about it is not going to cut it. You said you seek help for anxiety. Have you talked to your therapist about addressing your drinking? You might want to do that, and if you have then I would follow his/her suggestions. And the drinking combined with marital problems could be contributing to the anxiety possibly? You are not a lost cause, but you have to face yourself.
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Thank you and yes. I completely understand his anger and not trusting me. It’s just hard. I was seeking help for anxiety before this incident but hadn’t addressed the drinking. I did with a therapist on Monday. Doing AA this week and have a meeting with another addiction therapist next week since my normal one is booked out. I’m finally admiting I need help for myself. And I’ve never been able to do that. I know it’ll take him some time to come around and it all stems from me drinking
I guess i am just really hoping he gives me a little bit of a chance to see the change now that I’m getting help before walking away. But ultimately im being told I have to want this for me and I do. Thank you for you comment. So true
We alcoholics and addicts lie all the time. We lie about our addiction, but we also lie about just about everything else. Often we lie about shit that doesn’t even matter, like a concert we claim to have gone to 20 years ago or some other nonsense to try to fit in or relate.
If you have a big book read pages 59-61 a few times. Think about what rigorous honesty means. What would it mean to “let go absolutely”?
Those 12 steps saved my life. They’ve saved millions of lives. Go to the meetings. Get a sponsor. Do the step work. You can do it. We’ve all been where you are. Powerless over alcohol, unable to manage our own lives. And up until the point that you are at right now, we were insane enough to think we were in control. We thought we had everyone fooled. We were wrong.
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I got to read some of the book today in AA with another welcoming member. And it really resonated with me. Plan to read more!
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There is an app simply called Big Book that is free and you can read it on your phone or tablet.
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Jennifer, congrats on taking this big step! The book is a game changer, a life changer. The only thing that is required is the willingness to stop drinking. I was in your same situation 590 days ago, I lied and relapsed. My now ex-wife didn’t want to help when I finally told her. At that time I was like thinking that it’s not fair that she doesn’t want to help me. It turns out she did help me. She kicked me out of my home, restraining order and divorce. These negative consequences for my action are actually not negative at all they are now a blessing. I was able to take it on the chin ( 9 or months later when my ego was let go, lol) and today it’s a gift from my ex wife. She doesn’t even know it. My point is tough love sometimes is a must. And if they don’t want to go through it with you, someone will. In fact the people in the rooms will go through recovery with you and most importantly God will and is going through it with you. You are not alone.
Keep up the good work.
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Hello Jennifer! I know it’s hard coming back again. And I’m glad you understand where your husband stands. The differences I hate to say it this way do you care about how your husband feels? you need to ask yourself that question. Do you have to be honest with yourself about You’re drinking before you can be honest with anybody else. This is a little bit of the Toughlove that they talked about.
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