How do you handle old friends and family who still

How do you handle old friends and family who still drink and/or use? Do you cut them out of your life? Only see them sparingly? What’s the recipe, here?

1 Like

People, places and thing's.

If you want to stay sober then yes you kinda do for a while anyway until you feel strong enough to be around it without the cravings, it will take some time though so be patient and in sure that they will understand if you just tell them how you're feeling, I'm sure they want what's best for you and you to remain sober so they'll understand and if they don't then they prob aren't worth having in your life anyway. In the beginning especially your very vulnerable and easily can slip right up and use again with the smallest trigger or at any given time that you let your guard down. So keep your eye on the prize and keep moving forward, avoid triggers for a while

1 Like

There’s no right answer really. In early recovery I’d suggest not being around people who mite trigger you. Then when your ready you can see them and set boundaries

1 Like

One thing I learned is to always leave yourself an out if things get overwhelming. Take your own car to meet them. My brother wanted me to visit and stay at his house in Nevada. He likes to drink. I’ll be staying in a hotel and renting a car so if I’m triggered I can leave his house.
One day at a time :pray:

3 Likes

Hi folks, someone said it. I set boundaries for myself. A good example; for family functions, I would go in the morning when the "elders" where drinking coffee and preparing food. The heavy hitters wouldnt make until food was being served or later. I would eat, then leave. Because I knew exactly how the event would unfold after everybody's done eating. I love my people huge, but had no business sticking around. Another thing was when I called some of my people to tell them I was cleaning up and not going to be a part of the lifestyle any longer, they laughed. They had heard that song and dance before. So it all worked out.

1 Like

I didnt cut them out of my life , however, I altered how I interacted with them . For instance iam not going out with a friend just to sit in a bar, however I would go to dinner with that same friend . If it triggers me than I dont that. Remember the goal is my sobriety not theirs

3 Likes

I like you making the point that the people worth being in your life should WANT to see you sober.

Mitigating your exposure while still vulnerable. That makes perfect sense.

I really like your advice! That is a great approach to keep the ball in your court. Not feeling like we have the control is a contributor to using. Protecting a degree of control in this way seems to abate the need to look for that control elsewhere (and in unhealthy ways).

Making intentional plays in how you organize socialization—Draw on that critical awareness to make smart choices. I appreciate your insight.

Thank you for validating that for me! I’ve been considering as of late how to measure this exact thing—do I go to the bar and just not drink? If we go out to dinner do I ask that they not drink? How will I react if they do drink? I guess I need to test those waters in order to put down those boundaries at all.

Thank you for validating that for me! I’ve been considering as of late how to measure this exact thing—do I go to the bar and just not drink? If we go out to dinner do I ask that they not drink? How will I react if they do drink? I guess I need to test those waters in order to put down those boundaries at all.
Goal = My sobriety. Not theirs. Got it.

1 Like

I think it’s incredibly hard, but slowly distancing yourself has worked for me. Setting an example with no expectations and taking care of yourself first

I cut them out for a while, until they figured out that I was serious about sobriety, they then did whatever they could in support of my choice. Family is important, friends are important, sobriety is important, balance is important.

For me the difference between drinking and not drinking is life or death so I had to 86 the people in my life that were tied to my alcoholism. It seemed difficult at first but the longer I stayed sober the more I realized that anyone who supported the lifestyle I was leading wasn't a true friend to begin with. Not saying that's your case but for me, I am who I hang out with

You know, i was sober for years. Family still thought i was a drunk. I dont talk to my family anymore.