Hi, first day here

Recovery
#1

Hi, first day here. I’m having a really hard time with depression and anxiety. I struggle with alcohol addiction, cocaine use, pills and uppers.

I’ve had so many “day 1’s” that I’m starting to lose faith in myself.....here I am again on day one. I just want to feel happy again. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be and I’m really struggling. Thank goodness I’m working remotely today, I can’t stop crying :frowning: everything feels like too much.

I called my therapist to start back up with sessions, but I’m starting to wonder if this struggle will never stop, if I’ll never actually be better. Depression, anxiety, and OCPD, and addiction.....I can’t get a grip.

I’m hoping this app/community will help me stay on track, I just feel so alone and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s just not working right now. :frowning: sorry for the depressing post, I’m glad to see so many encouraging and uplifting posts on here, but I’m just really down in it right now, I’m lost, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

#2

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. The hardest part is the start of the journey when the road ahead looks foreboding and endless. Try stringing together a few steps on the journey and build on it. Maybe that’s two or three days sober and not a constant first day thinking about a second. Then try to go further. Once you get enough momentum you can be out of the addictive cycle and then really make strides forward by working on yourself and building a new routine filled with things that you enjoy and are good for you. The more steps forward you have the more resilient you can become to setbacks and frustrations. It’s a marathon and not a sprint for many people.

#3

Indeed! Great feedback. No need for sorry Danielle. The struggle is real. We have all been there. You are not alone. I don't know anything about your lived experience. But I know what it feels like to be sad, depressed, hurt, etc.. We didn't invent those feelings. We can work through them together, all of us. Make it personal, lace"em up and start fight for what you deserve. Feel better soon.:grin:

#4

Day one for me as well. Trying my best to own it and be honest. I appreciate your post, it’s good to know I’m not alone in this battle

#5

Hang in there. I hate the idea of counting. I hate that there are so many, ‘Day 1s’ that feel like I’m just starting at Ground Zero again. There’s a podcast called recovery elevator. I found that helpful. Lots of people struggling with ejection share their stories. I actually prefer the earlier episodes. Mostly I think because I enjoy the guys Voice who host them. He also had struggled with addiction. I feel like when we’re counting days we feel like a loser when we relapse but I think relapsing is just part of the battle. It’s just the way it is. I think the main goal is to be our addiction and be Endlessly sober but I think that should just be a goal, rather, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about the relapse.

#6

Keep your head up day 2 will turn into day 20 stay strong and trust Jesus with your daily walk