Hello I’m Christian. I am an addict. I am 9 years, 4 months, 19 days sober. As I’ve mentioned before, I am getting pretty sick. Today was the second time I coughed up blood since my diagnosis. With 7 clots at the moment— yeah. I am proposing to someone who I know will say yes in August. I am starting my largest chapter of my career June 16th. I still don’t know if meetings are safe fully and that I can trust those vaccinated vs not to be safe. The paranoia is getting to me to the point that I had a panic attack about sharing here or at a meeting.
Someone very close to me is an addict and took my parents attention and traumatized them to the point where they are open about not taking on my bandwidth related to addiction. My 10 year chip will be celebrated here or in group, me, and my fiancé. It’s dissonant when your parent says do I have another one of ____(that someone who is close) when they found my stash of scrips from my surgery all those years ago. If it weren’t for group this journey would be completely alone.
I am still fearing the day my leg gets as bad as it did. Venus malformations can cut off all use of a limb or segment of limb in the end. The pain will have to be managed another way- a peg leg perhaps.
Here I sit. Scared for my health. Scared of a fate worse than heaven. Happy to have written this out.
Thank you.