Hello everyone. I have been struggling lately. I have the urge to drink. And I mean the urge is really really strong. Because I have a lot of crap going on. My wife passed away three years ago and ever since then my life has gone downhill. I have been dealing with emphysema, chronic heart failure and diabetes. I am now also dealing with a severe case of depression. And I also found out that my arteries running into my feet are not working right. I have made it 37 years without drinking. But now I have the strong urge to really go pick up a case of beer and just sit here and drink it. I feel like I am such a big loser. And I really don’t know what else I feel. But sometimes I just feel like ending it. But I know if I do that’s taking the easy way out.
37 years, wow! Youre not a laser. Sorry you lost your wife, and have things going on, but you know starting back up drinking isn't going to do any good at all. It will be a lot easier to work through problems with a clear head
 although I can’t relate to your unique individual circumstances, I can certainly relate to the urge to drink response to significant physical, emotional and mental pain.
No you’re not a loser. And please don’t do anything drastic. You’re simply in pain and our natural response is to get relief from the pain. Naturally you see something you know in the past used to provide such a relief. It’s natural, normal and kinda expected.
Just please try your best to not act on the urges and keep reaching out for support. 
Do you know the routine you’ve been around here for years don’t drink go to meetings and will pray for you .you can do this
I was sober 4 years before losing my grandma and my mother both 2 years ago got depressed real bad thought that if I picked up and moved it would help me lost myself and my home, was homeless for 8 months stated drinking again. I must say that was my rock bottom.. and one day I fell on my knees and asked God this can't be it for me. Slowly I bounced back up good job nice car beautiful apartment and the part I wish I could take back is that first drink..37 years I look forward to seeing that congratulations 
and you got this I will keep you in my prayers my friend
Hey Kelly you’ve gone 37 years without drinking you not a loser you can get through that fight it
Hi Kelly
Sending blessings your way!! WOW! 37 years. That’s just amazing!
You know what not to do, and you KNOW you can do it without picking up. You are not a loser! I can relate a bit, because this past year, I’ve also had some health issues. I ignored them until life kicked me in the butt and made me deal with it. I’ve been struggling hard, because even though I have 16 yrs sobriety, going through health problems, something very real to deal with, my natural reaction is..Oh..fuck this..what’s the point?
But I know it’s just my addiction talking to me.
It’s not easy, I know, but you will get through this. 
Prayers sent for strength
Thank you
I just want to thank everybody for their input and their concern. It really helped to read what people said and to know that there’s people out there that do care about me. To thank everybody so much for the very very needed support.
Hey kelly, glad you are still in the ring with this disease. Life seems to have stacked some cards against you in recent years but you can still win. I’m sorry you’re struggling. But keep swinging. You can do it.
If there is one thing I am sure of it is that life has a way of knocking the wind out of us all. Take a moment, catch your breath. You can do it.
37 years!!! I haven’t made it 37 days. You’re not a loser. I didnt realize i was an alcoholic or using that as a coping mechanism until i lost my father and a recent divorce. Grieving is tough. Made me realize why exactly i was drinking to numb the pain instead of facing it. But if you made it this far stay strong my friend.
Yes!! BREATHE. You said it all Steve , in one word!
And Kelly, I know how ignorant that may sound considering your emphysema..but it’s so true!
Also…I had a heart attack last December, thankfully it was NSTEMI ..no blockage. It was due to being underweight and 
overcompensating.
But damn..you have 37 years,!!! I’m sorry your wife has passed and dealt with all of that. if anyone can handle it..it’s you, sir!
Go back to basics and try to calm yourself, even though it’s all so overwhelming!! You are not alone!!
Once again I just want to thank everybody for the input. I understand a lot of you and I will take everything into consideration. With everything I’ve heard so far I feel better not a lot better but a little better. So thank you all for everything