Had been doing fairly well with my moderation approach over the last few months and all it too was a 6 day trip to Vegas to wash it all down the tube … and due to other stressors and conflict I continued to drink when we got home. Today is the first day I’ve woken up feeling somewhat back to normal, pulled myself out of bed since I know laying around is not helpful. Have my coffee, and cleaning up with intent to exercise later on today. Well, my hope for today was ruined as I see my husband crack open a beer at 10:30 am. He’ll finish off the last few and probably buy more. I feel my anxiety getting high because if this happens, I may sneak one or two and that’s just crazy. I’m feeling angry and hurt right now because we discussed the drinking habits … he admits he drinks too much but no intent to cut back … and that’s fine I can’t make him, but his mentality is more of do as I say not as I do. He also has a tendency to be. There’s just a lot. I’ve tried talking with him about couples counseling but he says I need to work on myself first, which makes me feel angry because I feel the intent is saying I’m the problem. Maybe he’s right.. maybe I am. Please don’t tell me to go to a meeting, I’ve tried it and it’s just not for me.
When it comes to my sobriety, it is mine alone and not my wife's. I say this because she continues to smoke marijuana daily and claims sobriety. I have to remind myself that I can remain sober no matter what she does. I know you said no meetings but perhaps a zoom meeting where you could ask about your situation ananamously and listen to answers. AA after hours is one that I attend. It starts at 10 pm eastern and goes almost all night.
Best wishes always!
Hi Jennifer,
If you are an alcoholic like me, there is no moderation. I may be able to delay my return to complete depravity, but it’s never going to take long.
12 steps saved my life. Completely eliminated alcohol from my life.
As to your husband, that’s tough. I’d imagine that drinking was a big part of your courtship and relationship. You recognize your need to change. That doesn’t mean he does. Yet. Maybe you can get him to alanon some day. Maybe drinking is the tie that binds and without it there’s not enough left to keep the flame lit. Maybe maybe maybe. If if if. But first thing first. Get in a program and quit drinking. And don’t make huge life decisions in early sobriety. Give yourself time to relearn how to exist in a clear world first.
I remember your previous posts. I’m glad you keep coming back. It’s so worth it once you get there.
Hello Jennifer,
I know the feeling all to well. I too was told in my past relationship that if I didn’t drink or do meth then our relationship would be fine. Well she was right about two things my drinking and my drug use but what she didn’t see is that it takes two for a relationship to work.
My situation ended up in divorce. It took me about a year to really except it. I’m now over 18 months clean and sober. My program is my program and I work a good one of spirituality. I had to find rock bottom in order to pull myself up and out of the hole I dug. I’m still climbing out but my life is beautiful today.
If you don’t like meetings then I’d look into books. Reading about addiction behavior has helped me.
Also, I went to a treatment facility fir 30 days and that changed my life! Today I have God in my life as I choose to let him guide me through each day. Journaling with a gratitude list has helped me tremendously. I do this daily. Believing in myself is also key to a successful sobriety. I’ve excepted that I have an allergy to alcohol. Just like other people with food allergies. Alcohol makes me go crazy and do crazy things I would either wise not do. Changing the music I listen to and exercise with a healthy diet. Patience is another beautiful thing I had to learn. As I’m not one who liked to wait.
I hope this finds you well and is helpful to you in your unique path to sobriety! Cheers with love and happiness
Thats a tough situation to be in. For me, I had a few people that were my go-to sober friends that could talk me through it! I also found projects to work on outside the house. Just keep your head in the right space and know you're doing the right thing!
There’s just a lot of resentments, traumas, etc… I do accept responsibility for my actions. I pray and read the Bible as much as I can … I’m not perfect. I just pray for a miracle and I have faith that I am Saved even though I continue to have struggles… though my anxiety at times can make me feel if I died today I’d end up in hell. I have 13 years sober from meth and heroin. Not sure why this is the harder thing to just stop doing
Don’t go to meetings
I see. Congrats on the absence of meth and heroin! In AA or NA, you can get rid of those resentments, fears and harms. I’m currently working on my fears.
I’m happy to hear you have faith. And that you do accept responsibility for you action.
Anxiety for me is when I dwell on the future or future tripping. Remember just for today is all we have to worry about. Do you listen to podcast? School of greatness is one of my favorites.
Jordan Peterson is a great therapist/author. The 12 rules for life great book
The best thing to do is to keep talking about what’s happening to you in your sobriety. It may also help others. You’re doing an awesome job!
What?
He said that being a smart as I believe, because I asked in my original post to not suggest meetings.
How are you feeling today?
Doing better today … I’m sure by tomorrow or by most a couple more days I’ll feel back to my normal self. The only thing I need to do is not allow myself to forget what happened and then think “I can drink again” that’s the cycle of insanity I’ve been in for wat too long.
Good morning Jennifer, I’m glad to hear you’re doing better today! Yes, that’s what I tell myself daily. The past is done but the memories are left to help keep us on the path to righteousness. Keep your head up. You got this! You’re never going to have to do this alone! God is love