I have noticed a theme that a lot of people’s biggest struggle with sobriety is the loneliness. I too struggle with loneliness. I can blame a lot of my past drinking on feeling alone and depressed. So now these are the times when I’m tempted to drink the most. I don’t have many friends or interests to combat that alone feeling. And even when I do force myself to go on a hike or to walk around Target I can’t help but to think that I’m still alone and only doing this to not be at home alone and drink. Its depressing and a never ending cycle. So besides meetings and this site what are people doing to combat that feeling? What interests or activities help you? Do you have any advice for those of us who are struggling with loneliness?
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I’d say honestly try to network with people in the program outside of meetings. I fish a lot and it really helps me a ton. May God be with you Chaz
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And God doesn’t have to be religious. I myself am not religious. My higher power is my aunt as silly as it sounds. Create your own conception of your God.
Try connecting with others in the program. I have the same problem with loneliness, although I do have plenty of hobbies, the loneliness sometimes gets me, especially if I feel left out because I can’t drink normally. Talk to your HP, find a hobby or learn something brand new. And make some sober friends. I’ll be your friend.
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Thank you Kelly. I’ll send a request. My issue is I just have no interest. I’ll try things and just get bored. Maybe something will click one day. I don’t know.
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Thank Ashton. I’m not religious either. So I really struggle with the God/Higher Power thing. In the end I know I screwed up and I am the one to blame.
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I know what you mean man. It can be really tough when you cut the bad people out of your life for yourself and you find you have no one left. There are lots of hobbies to try it’s just a matter of betting out there
Good morning Chaz. Personally, my involvement in the 12 Steps has greatly reduced my feelings of loneliness. I have a large support group in recovery. I call others in recovery to stay connected. The quarantine has been more difficult than usual, so I have been more vigilant with reaching out to others. Keep talking about how you feel.
Good advice John. I’ve been to meetings but struggle with shyness. I don’t speak up or talk to anyone. I’m a wallflower. My shyness is debilitating honestly and sobriety has made that 100x worse.
I’m not sure how far you are in your recovery but I’m early into This whole business and can totally relate. I’m trying hard not to ruminate on the loneliness and instead am focusing this time on finding myself again. Lots of reading and reflecting. I want the relationships I keep and develop to be ones that lift me up and are fulfilling for me as a SOBER person. I adore being outside so the nice weather couldn’t be timelier!
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Hey there Chaz: Well, you're talking about it now. I say this because one would share their feelings the same way. Personally, I find it difficult to talk about how I feel. I'm not sure how long you have been sober for, but it's completely "normal" to feel the way you do. My sponsor once described it as "mourning the death of a friend. My drug use was a deadly friend of mine. This" friend " was with me always and could alter the way I felt. It took me some time to get used feeling differently. Let's face it. Being sober is a radically different way of life. I've spent more time using than being in recovery!! This time around, I have embraced therapy and the care of a psychiatrist. Both of which are new to me. But I'm using everything I can to succeed. I have to! The vast majority of addicts and alcoholics die. WE are in a small, almost "chosen" class. Good on you for talking about this, Chaz. I'm excited now to start the day! See, by sharing your thoughts with me, you have actually helped me!!
Well I was sober for 18 months. Relapsed and just passed 30 days of sobriety. The ones who truly love and support me, old friends and family, live across the country. So that naturally feeds into the loneliness. Typically I’m not a big reader. But I’m open to try anything that could help. Any recommendations?
Sorry for rambling a bit there. Say, is that "Garden of the Gods" in your profile picture?
I definitely relate to this feeling and my coping skill becomes reaching out to friends in recovery in those moments even when I’m out at the store alone call friends and check in on them while also describing how I am feeling, stay connected to those that you do have
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Yes that is GOTG from just a couple weeks ago.
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I’ve never been religious either. I have gone through phases going to church and Bible studies in attempt to make connections. I have given up on this avenue - as the coin says “be true to thine self”.
Yeah, religion is rough. I’ve been somewhat shunned from my immediate and extended family for not agreeing with their beliefs which has manifested this extreme feeling of loneliness which is a trigger to me binge drinking. I love the idea of a higher power but i’m still working through trauma within the religious cultures I grew up within. i’m sure many of us can relate to this feeling.
My daughter has been 'white knuckling' while refusing to leave her home. It's her safe place. But it's also killing her. Because she'll always eventually drink. I suggested volunteer work. So with a friend, she spent a day at the Austin Texas food Bank. She loved it. I asked her if she thought .about drinking during those 8 hours and she said not once ! So I am encouraging her to take small steps.
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God and acceptance. Acceptance of yourself abs where you are at this point in your life. What do you love to do, but didn't because of drinking? Explore that and dive into it.
It's lonely because you had to leave the old life behind. People I know don't want to really hang with me. It hurt, but got over it. All the best to you.
I think that’s what scares me the most honestly. I’m middle aged and still haven’t found my passion. Haven’t found my “god” given gifts. Not sure that I have any. Some people have a hobby that they can delve back into but I think I’ve been so numb for so long that I never had that. I don’t really have any interests outside of my recovery.